OUR COMMITMENT TO TOTAL TRAVEL FIASCO

At American Airlines, we have renewed our commitment to TOTAL TRAVEL FIASCO, or what we like to call "TTF." For example, say you are travelling to Ohio for a critical job interview when your flight is delayed in Dallas due to weather. Following the principles of TTF, we will cancel the flight after 6 hours of 10 minute delays. After taking you out of the rescheduling line to put you in a much longer line to speak with people who know much less, we will hand you a stand-by flight for the next day, arriving well after the interview begins. We will also call a courtesy van from La Quinta hotels for you.

La Quinta will then be happy to inform you that the van no longer operates after 10. We will then arrange for you to stay at Motel 6 with a full $4 off the regular price. While you and 30 people are waiting for the Motel 6 van for an hour, it becomes apparant that the mini-van will not hold everyone. Under the principles of TTF, as the empty La Quinta van passes by 3 times, Billy Joel will entertain the passenger loading area with several of his recorded hit songs as the sprinkler system randomly starts up behind you, providing a cooling contrast to the 90 degree evening humidity.

Arriving illegally at Motel 6, an undertrained night clerk will check in 45 people within 2 hours. And with four full hours of refreshing sleep, its back to D-FW and all the many wonders of a Texas airport, such as a clear view of the Pres. George Bush Parkway sign.

We will make slight efforts to get you on your flight - we will in fact, allow you to board after hours of stand-by. As you finally settle in to your aircraft seat, the announcement that the plane is overweight will be made and you will be removed back to the terminal. A flight which arrives a full 4 hours after the all day interview with an entire humanities department and two deans will then be offered to you, stand-by, along with a beration for not understanding why a cancelled flight passenger might not be assigned seating priority.

We at American Airlines know that with our renewed commitment to TOTAL TRAVEL FIASCO, you'll notice the difference!

[I hear it's even worse if you fly coach. - Dr. X]