Mission Impossible: clips from "The Mercenaries"

The Mercenaries
Season 3, Ep. 4


Ok, I actually remember this one from when it was originally on, because as I kid I just hated smug Pernell Roberts from Bonanza.

Anyway, this is a simple mission.  Pernell Roberts has some gold and a mercenary army in Africa...

Your mission is to fuck this asshole's shit up

The Force arrives in a truck with Phelps dressed as a man of the cloth and Cinnamon dressed as wow, just wow.  They reveal that they are arms dealers, and show off the merchandise, and also some rifles and submachine guns.  Before doing business, Phelps demands to see the "color of your money" so Pernell Roberts shows him a vault full of gold, which of course is the sacred property of all of the mercenaries.  They would of course go berserk if he were take any extra for himself or spend it irresponsibly.

About five minutes later...

What...?  Whoa!  (I totally remember this from when I was a kid...)

After the melted gold flows out this thing spray paints the vault back to its original color and retracts back into the floor

Barney and Willy re-forge the melted gold into new blocks to hide at a new site.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch Rollin Hand has sold the mercenaries on the idea that he's from a disgraced unit that used to operate in this area and retreated quickly leaving a stash of gold behind.  A key plot point is that Rollin correctly estimates how long he can hold out while they try to torture the information out of him.

While we're all waiting for that...

What's to stop me from kissing the pretty lady?

Oh.

With Pernell distracted by Cinnamon and the .45 in his back...

Barney and Willy have moved the gold to the hustle site, where Pernell will be tricked into finding it

Mook loads gold into truck.  Pernell:  "See if there's more." Mook: "Ok..."  Gun:  BLAM

Pernell thinks he's won the game.  He's got a new stash of gold, free and clear, and arranges to have it sent out of camp on the IMF truck without telling his men.  He calls the sentries at the gate to make sure there will be no trouble.  Returning to base, his thoughts turn to mwah hah hah hah.

At last I have you

Through some creative telephoning, Rollin has let Pernell's secret slip out to everyone except the sentries at the main gate.

*knock* *knock*
"Who's there?"
"Enraged mercenary army."
"Enraged mercenary army who...?"

Nonsense, the gold is right there in the vault!  I'll prove it to you!

Now would be a good time to escape in the confusion - ah, a truck full of guns and gold is arriving

"Y'all come back now, you hear?"