HOW TO BE A CHESS TROUBLEMAKER

Chess is really the Russian game - it was state-sponsored for decades. Lenin said that "chess is the gymnastics of the mind," and they put it on banners. Promising young talents got special education and training, and matches got the same kind of buildup and publicity as major sporting events. It was a brilliant policy for a big poor country. The game is easily learned and you don't need much equipment. People from all walks of life can play, and gamescores can be easily disseminated by newspaper or telegraph.

And best of all, chess was apolitical. People who might otherwise become confused by reactionary concepts could instead be occupied with Botvinnik's latest victory using the Dutch Stonewall. Instead of reading smuggled Ayn Rand books, they could master the Slav Defense to the Queen's Gambit.

But even in chess, you can send a message. And the opening for sending a message to The Man would have to be the Latvian countergambit. This is the opening your beginning chess book warned you not to play. It's unsound, it's bound to lead to trouble, it's only played in coffee houses by sweaty men with moustaches, etc. etc.

It's true that not many grandmasters play it, but the Estonian grandmaster Keres did from time to time, and so did his friend, the mad wizard Bronstein. It's not a coincidence that either one of these men could have been world champion, had the Soviet state not decided Botvinnik was their boy.

When you play the Latvian, you're getting in the face of the man. You're making a statement. You're saying you don't care what the books say, you're not going to be a good boy today. There is really a reviewer on Amazon who says "for all young players don't play this opening...it is very risky." I say: live! breathe! fight! Play the Latvian!

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Dr. X, how can I familiarize myself with this dynamic response to e4?"

Well, I'm here to help. You'll need the book of course, and the CD. You should also download a recent games collection and collate it using an open-source chess database management program.

And the next time you face off against some Stalinist chess hack, you'll know what to do.