Avast Right Pirating Conspiracy: More Seamanly Cursing In Traffic

Hail, and Well Met, Me Hearties! Tis Talk Like a Pirate Day!

E'en as I sailed with the marnin' tide at 3 bells in the forenoon watch, I found meself a-cursing and a-caterwauling at the broomcocks, popinjays and biscuit brains what set their courses all ahoo, pushing me trim little black brig out' the channel, all aback, or even floundering agin a lee shore with nary a fevered-yellow eye cocked for a honest letter o' marque. A black curse on the snuffling lubberly bilge rats and all their twice-poxed snot-brain'd bairns.

Now be this here Puget Sound, and rather than break the curious local mariner's code of silence with a hammer on the ol' ship's bell, I had to content meself a-hollering in the fog at the tailors and butchers and divers landfolk who couldn't tell the North Pacific from the tinkle in their toss-pot.

SO here be a few of me oaths that it pleas'd me to take to mind:

(the limo dude on the phone) "Hold Your Course, Ye Great Fat Black Tub of an Indiaman, and get yer helmsman's neck out of yer master's paisley'd breeks! I've seen sharper tubs of goat's butter, ye gormless wee scrap o' lemur skin! Off and A-way with ye!

(The slow sewage truck) Great Beelzebulbs Thrice-Used Bathwater! Helm's hard to larboard and hold your nose for the sweet love of life! It's a 400 ton quarter-galley, and the ocean herself be taking on water!

(The speeding white pickup) Buckets of boney landmarks! (also an art joke)

(the Hummer) Get that Flemish Fop-Buss out my sight, ye Bastard son of a wall-eyed tailor! I'll hove to and see your scuppers run with gore and yer oath as a scullery maid to a cabin boy!

(The drifting van) By Neptune's impacted wise-teeth, watch yer leeway, ye malaodorous moon-faced leper! Ye've near chipped me gingerbread work! Keep the channel or I'll toss o'er a bag of emeralds and tell me hearty lads it's up your buttered arse!