Why Football Doesn't Matter
It just doesn't. Sorry.
posted by President in exile at 3:32 PM
January 21, 2006
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8 Comments:
As the er, resident Seattle resident, I have learned why the Seahawks matter.
They lost for thirty years. This does not in and of itself make it matter.
But now they have been winning. We know have two posts of states of being. The Seahawks were "off," . Now, they might become "on."
I observe that all things with distinguishable polar characteristics, and with a subsequent infinity of states between them, in the course of the human regard of their specific states, become meaningful.
I make no statement regarding the quality or desirability of the meaning. That is a matter for theology and/or marketing.
It did not matter when the Seahawks were off, until it became possible they could become on.
As a corollary, if they become on, they will then risk becoming off, which will certainly be meaningful.
I note that when the Colts started losing, it was widely suggested that these games were not meaningful. This was true, and then, as the polarity of "on" became unobtainable, the offness of these losses became meangingful.
Refer to my recent essay in American Philosophical Abstracts : "The Irreducability of Meaning in Primary Colored Hats on Young Women Employed at Hot Dog on a Stick."
Seriously, saying "Football Doesn't Matter" is like saying "Religion Doesnt' Matter." I don't belive in God, but I know that religion matters, even if the specifics of "who gets to go to heaven" are, in the long run, meaningless.
Mmm-hmm... Do ya'll remember Floyd (sadly, no longer with us), who would stand at major intersections in Anchorage marking the change of the traffic lights, then excitedly wave at the passing cars? He seemed perpetually delighted and surprise by the binary change of the lights, and then would cheer on those lucky ones who were able to cross the intersection thanks to the luminescent beneficence. From your comments, I take it you accept that the world's sports fans are millions and millions of Floyds and the stadiums are intersections (although the destination of the teams may be of less lasting import than where the destination of Floyd's traffic). No problem--I always liked Floyd and admired his enjoyment of small pleasures. Good luck to the Seahawks. Hope the light is green for y'all.
I suppose I need to point out that football is less predictable than a traffic light. It's also less predictable than church, but I hardly ever compare church-goers to the retarded.
Sorry to offend. I was just teasing.
Sorry, I'm a little touchy because 1) on a certain level you are right, and 2) it does matter to me.
I have been searching for a quote that I know I read somewhere in the pre-Internet world. It must have been there, for it is not in in the sight of Google. It went something along these lines:
"The great thing about sports is it gives us something to care passionately about that matters not at all."
With that said, I'm going to watch the superbowl in my own home for the first time, without the requirement of football-loving friends to help make it interesting. The President and all other 'Geisters are invited.
Correction: I'm going to watch the Superbowl somewhere in Washington state, with some friends who love football. I'm sure it'll be even more interesting now.
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