13 Ways of Looking at America's Funniest Home Videos

I.

A small boy
Sits on the toilet
He is wearing a gorilla mask.

II.

Once, a bear crossed Connecticut
To find a bright Ford.
It held a rich, inexhaustible picnic.
Off he runs
His maw gripping a Teddy Bear.

III.

O Kitten in the restroom
Why do you fall into the water?
Do you not see how the rim of the bathtub
Will not support you,
Twice?

IV

Among uncounted blue foam cubes
I see a fat woman has fallen.
And I know too
That this woman will fail
to extricate herself.

V.

A red squirrel whirled in the autumn winds.
A man rigged a bird feeder.

VI.

From her capacious underpants
A baby girl extracts, remarkably,
A series of seven frogs

VII.

A very helpful little boy
Spills his milk, and holds his milk
And bends down to clean the spill,
And spills his milk and bends down again
And spills his milk,
and to clean it he bends down.

VIII.

We did not know which to prefer:
The baby chimp smelling his finger
Or just after.

IX.

It is the hat of the snowman
Which sites our empathy.
Prepared for demolition,
The building will crush him.

X.

The Pinata hung low, a broadcast of delights.
The grandfather cries out,
holding his balls.

XI.

This pool will explode.
He surfs the lawn by canoe.

XII.

At the sound of dad's raspberrys,
Quadruplets laugh in euphony.

XIII.

It was evening all afternoon
It was snowing,
and it was going to snow
A sour bride tripped
into the cedar limbs.