Generic User Interface Letter

Dear ___, thank you for the e-mail describing the exciting new user interface for ____.

Per your instructions, I have clicked the button that says "try new user interface", and experienced the incredible benefits the new user interface brings me. It is clear your marketing and product people have been working overtime! I hope you won't mind if I trouble you with one or two points of feedback.

1. Kind of slow, isn't it? I mean, if you're going to spend a lot of money on re-working the front end of the product, I'd figure you'd want better performance. It never seems to happen, though, does it?
2. The look is great, the feel, not so much. The old user interface clicked and executed like a vintage IBM keyboard. Commands were dispatched with the efficiency of a Russian journalist assassination team. The new interface, written as it is in some 4th-dimensional high level language, lacks tactile feedback. There are these odd little pauses. It flickers and wavers a little. The system seems tentative - almost as if it is having an existential crisis and is considering suicide. Perhaps it will gain confidence as it matures.
   
3. It's buggier than the old interface. The ___ function is incorrectly mapped to the ____ button, and when I try to _____ the thing freezes up completely. It's almost as if some junior programmer was hacking this thing together at the 11th hour based on instructions from some marketing person who didn't know a thing about systems development.
4. The new user interface introduces yet another approach to doing things I already knew how to do. I do value innovation in all aspects of life, but, and stay with me here, there is no need to invent a new way to look at, mark, and delete items on a list. I guess I could learn your new metaphor, and I suppose eventually you will force me to. But WHY?!.
5. With the old user interface I was able to ___ quickly and easily. Now it takes more time and there's no way to automate the process. For some reason, and I am probably an unusual case, I use this command more than any other.
   
6. I notice that the new user interface is not accompanied by any new functionality. For example, it would be nice if some of your programmers would add a feature allowing me to see changes to your license agreement in real time, instead of reading about them on Slashdot.

Anyway, I know you're excited about the new user interface, and I'm sure it will be with us for a long time. Or at least until you get a new marketing director.

Cheers,
Dr. X