Das Angst-Jökens: Two Gentlemen of Nebraska

A Surfeit of Das Angst-Jökens


Omega 3s.

A beautiful redhead from Vancouver goes on a dating website and falls for an attractive guy who owns his own canned salmon factory.  After a little back-and-forth, they arrange to meet up at an exquisite contemporary bistro she has looked forward to going to for a couple of years, and she gets a nice  outfit and a salon treatment to get ready to meet the man of her dreams.  She arrives a little late, but no one comes to meet her. Eventually, instead of the  man, a ferocious-looking polar bear shows up, blood dripping from his mouth as he  flings an italian dress shoe around. Fearing the worst, she asks the bear if he's seen her date.

"Seen and eaten, lady!" says the bear.  "Can't go wandering around Canada smelling like salmon and not expect bear trouble."

After some reflection, she agrees with his observation, and asks the bear to join her for desert, slyly establishing with indirect questions what he does for a living and what his life goals are.

Two Gentlemen of Nebraska. 

Two Supercross motorcycle racers are competing in an loud and dangerous event in Lincoln in front of 20,000 fans in an arena, when the guy in the lead on a Yamaha wipes out at the bottom of a dirt hill, and one by one, with   the high-pitched buzzing of small engines, billows of blue smoke, and endless horrific crunches, a series of bikers crash one by one on top of the unfortunate leader.  In the air and unable to stop in time, one biker turns to the other, and nods his helmet in a way which means: "To the thrill of power, our will is surrendered. We have entirely created this oncoming rush of doom, and our role now is merely to play it out."

Access to Medical Care

A Sasquatch has a terrible toothache and goes to see a Dentist. The Dentist's receptionist stops the huge furry Bigfoot creature, demanding to see his insurance card or cash up front before treatment. The Sasquatch reflects that he could stomp her with his enormous foot like a grape, but that this would not get him the money he needs or help his toothache, and goes to sit down, the waiting room chair uncomfortable and far too small  The receptionist, regretting her confrontational approach borne of fear, and finding her empathy and trying to be helpful, calls the University's Department of Anthropology to see if they might cover the bill, while poking  through a website on low-cost dental services for ideas as she waits for someone to pick up. Meanwhile, photographers are lining up three deep on the street outside at the spectacle of the huge man-ape forced by the absurd circumstances to pretend to read a June 2007 copy of Glamour magazine with a heavily retouched photo of Britney Spears on the cover.  Sasquatch comes to feel that the situation is awkward and untenable.