July 28, 2012

Transcript revealed!

Here's a transcript of a phone conversation between David Cameron and Mitt Romney, early last week, that I totally made up.

Cameron: Hello, Mitt?

Romney: David! How nice to hear from you. I'm very much looking forward to my visit!

Cameron: Looking forward to witnessing an enthusiastic crowd, no doubt.

Romney: Ha ha! That's funny, David. Oh, can I bring you anything from America? Perhaps some U.S. made... uh...

Cameron: You're too kind, Mitt. No, don't trouble yourself. I do need to ask you a favor, however. If it turns out, you may be doing us both a favor.

Romney: Sorry, they told me not to sing 'God Save the Queen' the whole time I'm there.

Cameron: [Inaudible] no, no. We might be in a bit of tough spot with the press coverage around the Olympics --

Romney: Oh! Is everything okay?

Cameron: Yes, fine, just a few things blown out of proportion by the press, you know: customs strike, private security contractors didn't hire enough...

Romney: I think I can hook you up there, David.

Cameron: Too late for that Mitt. Regrettably. I wouldn't ask, but theres been a bit of a pile-up over here -- much ado about nothing -- but what with the unpopularity of our governments fiscal responsibility policies --

Romney: Well people just don't get it, David!

Cameron: Nothing you can do, Mitt. Nothing to be done. But the press criticism over the Olympics is something you can help with.

Romney: Oh?

Cameron: Yes. If you could, just, mention the trouble with the Olympics a bit? Publicly, to the press...

Romney: Let me get my folks to come up with a good narative.

Cameron: No, not necessary, you don't have to make up anything. Just repeat the criticisms the press have already made so that they can get mad at you instead of me.

[Pause. Inaudible.]

Romney: What's in it for me?

Cameron: Well, I'm going to be very indignant, and play the snooty British PM, at odds with the square-jawed American captain of industry who calls 'em like he see's em. If your very lucky, the Obama team might even seize on it and take my side.

Romney: Yeah, this isn't the Kerry campaign, David --

Cameron: Point taken.

Romney: You gotta be extra snooty, more specifically insulting -- Utah! Insult Utah! "[In strange voice] Religious loonies on the prarie had a silly Winter Olympics and that simply isn't posh enough, is it?"

Cameron: Hmmm... we'll work on it, but I want something else in return: I want to you forget Ed Miliband's name.

Romeny: Who?


Blogger Corresponding Secretary General said...

Why did you excise Rupert Murdoch's contribution to the conversation?

August 1, 2012 at 8:15 AM  

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