IAYPA Update, regular season edition

It has been a brutal year for NFL quarterbacks.  Flacco (knee), Romo (collarbone, low pain threshold), and Manning, P (decrepitude) will watch from the sidelines.  Even the inevitable Tom Brady is now listed as dubious/maybe possible for Sunday's game due to a mystery illness.

Well, someone has to play the position, and so it has turned into a great year for long-disrespected journeymen like Alex Cutler and Jay Smith.  BearsFan4Evah tweets "who will take this godawful quarterback off our hands?" and around the League 30 hands go up.  Bad body language and all.

Here is a paragraph that should send chills down the spine of every NFL GM:

Mallett has been given a second chance with the Ravens, a team desperate for warm bodies at quarterback after losing Joe Flacco for the season, and backup, Matt Schaub suffered a chest injury that led to Jimmy Clausen starting against the Seahawks last week.  And with Schaub's immediate health in question, the Ravens signed Mallett...  

As the battered survivors shamble toward the gridiron for the final act of the season, here is how they rank on the King of All Quarterback Metrics.  Players are presented by name, team, and IAYPA.  The median quarterback is Brian Hoyer, HOU, 6.25 and/or Jameis Winston, TB, 6.15

Epic

• Carson Palmer, ARI, 7.8 - Ageless wonder (35) out of Fresno, amok in the NFL.  (Salutes)
• Russell Wilson, SEA, 7.7 - "There's a man inside"...who throws the ball downfield and makes few mistakes.
• Andy Dalton, CIN, 7.5 - Now out with a 'weird' thumb injury.
• Ben Roethlisberger, PIT, 7.2 - Playing at the highest level again after several years in the second tier.  Least-sacked (14) among the Epic group.
• Tom Brady, NE, 7.2.  Always in this group.  Always.
• Tyrod Taylor, BUF, 7.1.  The poor man's Tom Brady.  TD/att and INT/att similar, but only 57% as many attempts.
• Alex Smith, KC, 7.1.  Too bad he's weak, uncoachable, not a winner, and not good enough to play for the San Francisco 49ers.  Under his leadership KC has struggled to an 8-5 record.
• Jay Cutler, CHI, 6.8.  I have said it before.  A competent quarterback with bad body language and an indifferent attitude - the polar opposite of their beloved Jim McMahon - is exactly what Chicago fans deserve.  It is comedy gold.  I hope he plays there for another 20 years.

Elite

• Johnny Manziel/Josh McCown, CLE, 6.5.  We knew Manziel was a jackass, and there was a strong suspicion that he did not have the physical ability to play in the NFL.  In 159 attempts Manziel has proven two things:  1)  He can play in the NFL.  2) He is exactly as effective as Josh McCown.  Whatever his self-destructive tendencies, he's not Ryan Leaf, he has actually gotten out on the field and gotten some results.  Active disrespect for his play is no longer indicated.
• Drew Brees, NO, 6.5.  Undersized, just passed Marino on the TD list.  Constantly near the top of this list, he has been of the best quarterbacks in the NFL for over a decade.
• Cam Newton, CAR, 6.5.  Not the MVP, but not faking it either.  With Wilson, one of only two surviving Read Option-type starters in the NFL.
• Blaine Gabbert, SF, 6.5.  A serious improvement over Kaepernick.  A poor man's Alex Smith.
• Philip Rivers, SD, 6.4.  Has, with Brees, begun to regress to the mean, but still effective.
• Aaron Rodgers, GB, 6.3.  A huge drop for one of the best quarterbacks who ever played.  Rodgers has always taken a lot of sacks, 31 ytd, but lots of people in this group and the one above have more.  Note also the 28 touchdowns, which is pretty good for a guy having an off-year.
• Eli Manning, NJG, 6.3.  The enigma of New Jersey continues to enigmate.
• Derek Carr, OAK, 6.3.  Year 2:  achieved median NFL IAYPA.  Long career to ensue.
• Marcus Mariota, TEN, 6.3.  Year 1:  achieved median NFL IAYPA.  Long career to ensue.
• Brian Hoyer, HOU, 6.25.  

Near-Elite

• Jameis Winston, TB, 6.15. Year 1:  achieved median NFL IAYPA.  Long career to ensue.
• Teddy Bridgewater, MIN, 6.1.
• Kirk Cousins, WSH, 6.1.
• Matt Hasselbeck, SEA, 5.9.  Ageless wonder (40) probable (ribs) for Sunday.
• Matt Ryan, ATL, 5.9.
• Brock Osweiler, DEN, 5.8.  Um, ok.
• Ryan Tannehill, MIA, 5.8.  Could be a good pickup for SF as they continue their suicidal death spiral.
• Ryan Fitzpatrick, NYJ, 5.8.  The Jets haven't had an elite quarterback for a very long time.
• Blake Bortles, JAX, 5.7.  Not a laughingstock.  In Jacksonville, that's progress.

Emerging / Submerging

• Matthew Stafford, DET, 5.6.
• Colin Kaepernich, SF, 5.6.  Funny how a guy goes from Super Bowl talent to expendable so fast.  I'll have to look back and see if there was a change in the coaching or something.  Banned from sidelines Sunday for 'medical reasons'.
• Sam Bradford, PHI, 5.3.
• Joe Flacco, BAL, 5.3.  Had an incredible run for a while there, but this year was a write-off.
• Matt Cassel, BUF/DAL, 4.8.  Not the answer.  Perfect for the Cowboys.
• Nick Foles, STL, 4.6.  
• Tony Romo, DAL, 4.4.  Also not the answer.
• Andrew Luck, IND, 4.4.  Like Flacco, hang it up and try again next year.
• Peyton Manning, DEN, 4.1.  Just hang it up.  17 INTs.
• Ryan Mallett, BAL/HOU, 3.9.  Hated, and not without reason.  He'll make $2.5 mm next year.