February 25, 2019

Dear Dr. Kapital: Will the Alaska Budget Doom my Moose Dropping Swizzle Stick Business?

Dear Dr. Kapital,

I heard you are in secret talks now in UnderBern, the ultra-ultra secret conference, held in the fancier underground replica of Bern underneath Bern, but I don't know where to turn.

I am known as the "King of Moose Dropping Novelty Products" in Alaska, and while I naturally voted for lower taxes and a $6700 Alaska Permanent Fund check last election, it turns out the new Governor 1) can't get the check, and 2) will cut 1/4 of the whole budget, taking out the Marine Highway and destroying hundreds of communities along the southern coast, firing thousands of teachers/doubling property taxes, eliminate environmental and government oversight, and close entire University campuses!  

Wouldn't any version of spending billions less in a small state so oil companies can take it out of state drive a soft recession into a local depression?  Would tourists really want to see East Topeka in Siberia?   Am worried.. I thought the knowledge economy was important!! Especially the knowledge of how hilarious a moose dropping cocktail stirrer really is, the delight of your friends and the talk of the party!

WHAT KIND OF SELF-AGGRANDIZING PASTE-EATING MONSTER WOULD DO THIS?

Also, is there a world market for our most popular item, the Moose Dropping swizzle stick? Have heard India is funnier than it was. Plz advise.

Koncerned King of Moose Novelties

2 Comments:

Blogger The Other Front said...

Dear Koncerned - it would be tempting to recommend the Bren Ten with its over-powered .40 caliber round, one that has as much energy 200 yards downrange as a Colt .45 has at the muzzle. But in practical terms these weapons are not widely used in the state, and it may be difficult for you to resupply. I recommend you instead confine yourself to 9 mm (30-06 for long guns), which should allow you to get by scavenging ammunition from the bodies of your vanquished enemies.

The nines make handy trading tokens, too.

Good luck,
Dr. Kapital

February 25, 2019 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger JAB said...

Thanks Dr. Kapital!

February 26, 2019 at 8:32 PM  

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