HOW TO BE A PAIN AT LOTR

[Just to show you that I'll do anything to revive our beloved blog, I'm cribbing from a humorous email, edited to maintain the high standards of Eisengeiste. -LoM]

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell's Harry Potter?"

2. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.

3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."

4. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians

5. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

6. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.

7. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

8. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins.

9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "THAT'S WHAT I'M TOLKIEN' ABOUT!"