HELLO, I AM A WINDOWS CONSUMER

Hello Microsoft. I am a Windows consumer. I just bought a new computer. With Windows. It does two things. One, at two weeks old, is to constantly update itself. Two, it constantly reminds me to constantly update it.

This is to serve notice. As the whole de facto purpose of this infernal machine is to update itself, I will begin monthly billings to Microsoft for the considerable service of keeping its software updated.