I Miss Gilda and Beware of Scientologists

My true love was out of town and I was lonely and staying up late. I turned on the "Late Show with David Letterman" and Tom Cruise was supposed to be there talking about "Collateral," a movie I liked.

The movie star came out and took his seat and...he had a MASSIVE BOOGER hanging out of his nose. I couldn't stop staring at it. I felt the pain of the camera operators and directors as they flipped from angle to angle, trying to find a less unappealing one. They failed. The booger was huge. Dave got Tom to laughing hard about something (I don't remember what; I was in snot shock.) and then the huge schlagober FLEW OUT OF THE CRUISE NOSE. Tom asked for a tissue but it was too late. I took a wee potty break and returned to watch. Presently, Cruise had ANOTHER GIANT LOOMING LOOGIE HANGING OFF THE END OF HIS NOSE! I am NOT squeamish, but it was disgusting. I thought of Roseanne Roseannadanna.

Much later I mentioned this to my true love and he asked me if any fan sites covered this important probiscal incident. Several Google searches later, I can report: NONE OF THEM DID!!!

I very much fear that this mucosal prodigy has been CENSORED by SCIENTOLOGISTS. I don't say this lightly: these were two behemoth boogers, sure to have been remarked upon.