November 05, 2004

A day in the life of Joe

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe, not a union man himself, gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. The shampoo doesn't set off his allergies, because Joe knows what's in the shampoo as his bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents. All because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside
and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries & govt. from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to join the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a
worker compensation or unemployment check because some bleeding-heart liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some asshole liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to work hard to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration
because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.

The radio host keeps saying that Democrats are bad and Republican are good.

Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

4 Comments:

Blogger The Sum of All Monkeys said...

Yes, it's a liberal rant.

But I think in these troubled times we all need to be reminded.

November 5, 2004 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger VMM said...

Fuckin' A, Bubba.

November 5, 2004 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Viceroy De Los Osos said...

Well said. Unfortunatly the people who really need to be reminded of this don't give a fuck about anything but lower taxes and gay marriage.

November 5, 2004 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Corresponding Secretary General said...

More ranting, please!

You forgot to mention Joe's litle twins, Dick and Jane, who attend public school, even though Sally has substantial hearing loss and needs special attention which the school is required to provide. Still, the future looks bright for her because a new surgical technique developed at a public university paid for by the National Institutes of Health will almost certainly restore her hearing. The whole family is looking forward to picking up Spot, Joe's wife at the airport tonight when she returns from a business trip in D.C., where she's been plying her trade as a lobbyist for the Direct Marketing Association, working hard to get the "Do Not Call List" ruled unconstitutional. The plane will arrive late, but safely, and they'll get home in time to watch "Scarborough Country" thanks to the new exit on the interstate.

Fucking liberals.

November 6, 2004 at 1:24 PM  

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