Smokey: Only You Can Prevent Forests

It might be worth a little drive around your state to take mental note of the trees and remember what the forest was like. Bush changes the rules, opening up a third of America's undeveloped federal forests to road-building, logging, and eventual development. Don't worry, these are only the ancient, pristine, untouched ones, so the spindly, limbless, one species stump jumpers growing next to the scarred logging road won't be harmed. This is being done to "control wildfires," because as we all know the presence of forests is a prime cause of forest fires.

One can be forgiven for hoping that angry squirrels jump him and bite his nuts off, and bury them for the long, treeless winter.