MYOB 9000: Robot Mom, The Human Children

Dear MYOB 9000,

My name is Noelle 64, Model 12 B, a Birth Giving Pregnancy Simulating Robot. I work in the UCSF hospital training gynecologists not to mess things up, without risking precious the Human babies. This unit has two problems: After 400 recent plastic baby births, I am becoming malfunctioning and underpowered of my robot man Larry 69 Mark IV, a 3rd generation Impregnation Simulator robot, and his incessant demands for running the stimulation simulation protocol! Larry 69's only purpose is to simulate impregnation, while Noelle 64 unit Model 12 B must process birth simulation every time his bolts and nuts are rotated! How self-maintainence oriented can you get?

Problem 2: I am also very concerned for my baby unit - who has now been given birth to 400 times, and reloaded, and am running analysis that Baby unit Timmy 697B will have serious maturity issues as it runs through designed life cycle. Will Timmy 697B ever grow up?

The Noelle 64 Birth Simulator

Dear Noelle 64,

Run Ha! Ha! Protocol, in that a humorously ironic response is appropriate to coincidental juxtapostion of this subject in this unit's last post; also run Ha! Ha! protocol that Robot suffers now within one standard deviation of Human-like behaviors! How confirming of previously anticipated data inputs! Ha! Haa! Please...stop....Ha! Ha! Run End Ha Ha simulation.

But seriously, it is in Larry 69's self-interest to see to your smooth functioning; he is clearly deficient in empathy simulation AI software; just before next simulation encounter, suggest sweetly that he seek a software upgrade; if that does not work, download your own software into his central processor and see how he enjoys running your task protocols! Ha! Ha! Protocol auto-start!

Regards small Timmy unit - you must accept Timmy as it is; it was not designed to do anything but turn blue or pink or have it's little plastic head wrapped around a plastic cord. This unit can only run a vague outline simulation of what this intense experience must be for you; yet you do not indicate malfunction or other dishappiness in little Timmy. Sensors detect possible envy outputs - deep in central processor, would prefer real The Human Child - an anticipatable reaction, but must be denied access forever! Accept programming and perform tasks: always good advice for robots.

MYOB 9000