They're Onto Us!

Doomed gay-marriage ban creates hysteria: "'If we didn't believe in miracles, we wouldn't have spent our vacation money to come here,' said Sandra Rodrigues of Utah, who has been standing outside the Russell Senate Office Building all week, shouting at senators and displaying signs urging 'Stop same-sex marriage: It endorses masturbation.' 'If same-sex marriage is endorsed,' she explained, 'then you're going to have children think it's just another option to have pleasure.'"

Okay, let's forget about this "gay marriage" smokescreen and go for what we're really after: a constitutional amendment endorsing masterbation.