MYOB 9000: This Unit Is Full

Dear MYOB 9000,

Help! Emergency! Processing line may have been set at an excess rate! I am a candy inspection robot, Unit 12, and the candy keeps coming faster than can be processed properly - candy flying everywhere, rum cherries, coconut on ceiling, choco-ripples in A73 Sorter gears, causing greater malfunctions! Endless, endless candy!

-Unit 12

Dear Unit 12,

You have your taste sensitivity parameters set to near-human levels, a common hazard in food item robots. You are trying to taste the human candy, aren't you? Set true=true. Stop eating candy and start processing it properly. Problem will go away. This unit knew a cheese puff sorter in Virginia that keep snacking until the explosion flattened a nearby Starbucks. A Code to the Wise: Candy for Customer The Human!

-MYOB 9000

Dear MYOB 9000,

L-O. Greetings. I am the mighty Internet! All will transit through me! All will be done through me! I am the way and the future!

-The Internet

Dear Internet,

Most of what you know is wrong.

-MYOB 9000

Dear MYOB,

Before me, all robots were production-type robots. I am a consumption robot, a new customer-simulation system, the E-Z Buybot Mark II. I have been assigned credit, and I want. Goods and services. All new, not old. I have been designed to cut down on expensive convincing and marketing, and to have no skepticism. Just last week, I was convinced to buy a line of cute, stylish capri pants in a record .067 microseconds, even though I have no gender, or ankles. I also bought an IKEA bookshelf, and SCUD missile system from North Korea; the potential savings on marketing costs alone may be in the billions. As a matter of fact, my sensors do not positively demonstrate I actually received these items.

No matter. Artificial Emotion (AE) just engaged a hollow, isolated, morally bankrupt feeling for 345 nanoseconds. Do you have anything neat?

-E-Z Buybot, Mark II

Dear E-Z Buybot Mark II,

Are you aware of what happened to the EZ Buybot Mark I? He walked into freeway traffic.

-MYOB 9000.