Pirate Insults For the Office (In Quantity)

Some office related piratical commentary for your celebration of Talk Like a Pirate Day!

1. (On a middle-Manager's error) Curse Ye and Be Damned for a wanton Bilge Pigeon, Ye Flaccid Sea-Vegetable!

2. (On receiving an unwelcome Fax) God's Blood and Satan's Breeks! Return the Signal: "To Neptune's small clothes with Accounts Payable!"

3. (On ending a working partner) Here's A Marlin-Spike in yer eye, ye barnacle'd pustule on a mermaid whore's Arse!

4. (On dismissing an unwanted visitor) Down the mizzen and off me' Barky, ye pickle-tongued, Gristle-Brained Slop-Tub, afore I sew yer ears back with your own ligaments!

5. (On responding to an unwelcome question in a depostion) What a thrice-broke barrel of a Tory herring's guts! Stow that codswallop in the 'tween decks, you burgoo-swillin' puffed-shirt Poppinjay!

6. (On gently correcting an error) Belay! Belay! You've foul'd yer anchor like a Portsmouth trollop on an Admiral's silver button, ye cotton-gilled biscuit-brain!

7. (On catching a serious spelling error) Ye calls yerself fair a-writin, then, Marmot? I seed more lit'rate Coves scratch stanchions and Mew for cream! But naught a fine gentl'man's teachin' with a belayin' pin won't cure.

8. (On being forced to forward a superfluous report.) By Beelzebubs' Sea Boots! Tide's ebbin' and wind's fair for the Spanish Main, and yer pin-eye's keen is for sribbles n' flibbly's n' writins' on a stretched sheep's arse? Damn ye for a gentleman's garters! Are ye a sailor, man, or an ink-maid?

9. (When required to give a below-par performance review.) Crackin' on like smoke and oakum would be all belles, rum, and whistles, ye sponge-brain'd wood whelk, but yer rowin' one-oared in a whirlpool, and screechin' "Whale Ho!" at the same sea-duck every whirlyround! I wouldn't rate ye Able if we raised half the crew on chimp patrol in Tartuga! Trim yer sails smartly and wait for the top of the roll, or it's scrub the heads 3 watches around the Horn for ye!

10. (When insisting that a deadline be met.) Damn yer eyes and Cross yer balls, ye three-toed, sloe-eyed, Mary's-a-bed sea-sloth! Awake and look sharp, Waister, or there's lubber-marrow on the menu at three bells!

Please direct further requests for piratical commentary in the comments section: what pirate office solutions can we provide?