Thank God They Solved E8!

As any schoolboy knows, E8 is the 248 variable symmetrical mathematical object that has stumped mathematicians for oodles of decades. It is, and I regret to say that I cannot independently confirm this, the theoretically largest such symmetrical object.

It has now apparently been solved, with 60 times more data than the human genome, using numbers that if written out as digits instead of equations would cover Manhattan.

Meanwhile, across the street, we have been unable to figure out how to get the pedestrian cross signal to operate in a reasonable amount of time.