Why I'm changing my vote

As you know, I've been for Obama for a long time, but after tonight's debate, in which McCain pounded Obama into a thin paste and used him to fertilize the lawn of one of his many (hard-earned) homes, I can no longer deny the overwhelming case for McCain to be the next president. I only have eight hours to write this, so I'll try to distill it into three items.

Experience. I already knew that McCain knows how to win wars. Obviously. You've all read the history books, and have studied his military campaigns. He really never needed to state this, and he didn't even bother in tonight's debate, because that's yesterday's news. Not everyone knows, though, that McCain knows how to solve the current financial crisis, and I'm glad he finally said so for the benefit of voters who may be ignorant of all of the financial crises he has solved in the past. If you weren't aware of this, I have some other news for you: McCain knows how to fix Social Security. In fact, as he told the American people, "That's easy." Do you really think we should elect a president who would have a hard time fixing Social Security? (I didn't think so.)

Overhead-Projector-Gate. McCain has run a very positive campaign so far. As he has said many times, he doesn't just want to win, he wants to win with honor. But, being a seasoned politician, he knows when one must bring up a criticism of your opponent's past if only because, in the end, the American people have the right to know.

Tomorrow's headlines in the New York Times and Washington Post might have been about the financial crisis (which may continue as long as January 21, 2009, when McCain will solve it), but now there's a new crisis that the MSM is going to have to play catch-up on: Obama sneaked in a 320-billion-dollar earmark for an overhead-projector for a planetarium in Chicago. Yes, 100 years from now, your children's children, and their children, will be paying for this fancy overhead projector which probably won't even be under warranty anymore.

Foreign Policy. I don't want to scare anyone, but come January 20, 2009, the United States could be in a nuclear war with Pakistan -- if Obama is elected. Obama said, in so many words, "I'm gonna nuke Pakistan, motherfuckers!" John McCain knows that you don't tell a country ahead of time that you're going to nuke them. You surprise them with it, just like Teddy Roosevelt would have, when he was walking/talking/mumbling softly and carrying a big stick. (Movie trivia: the Capone-baseball-bat scene in The Untouchables was lifted directly from Roosevelt's memoirs.) That's something Obama just doesn't get: foreign policy isn't about clearly stated policies, objectives, positions, or boundaries, it's about keeping other nations guessing when you're going to turn one of their cities into a radioactive slag-heap. Who does understand this? John McCain.

My course is now clear. Retrieve the voter information pamphlet from the recycle bin, figure out where my polling place is, and what day they're holding the election. Then get my vote on...for McCain!