What Executive Orders Did President Obama Definitely Not Issue This Morning?

Executive Order #22: Inexactly Worded Hummer Surcharge

Executive Order #13: Emergency Order Substituting George Clinton for Secretary of State

Executive Order #84: Removing Burdensome Regulations on Human Meat Alternatives

Executive Order #25: National Day of Cheney Slapping

Executive Order #43: Bans most bass solos, except in cases of rape, incest or to protect the health of the bass player.

Executive Order #37: Ordering Ginormous Fleet of Old Mach 5 SR-71s Blackbird Spyplanes To Restore U.S. Military's Coolness.

Executive Order #39: Allowing Impoverished Farmers to Homestead on Gated Communities

Executive Order #13: Ordering Conservative Columnists to Suck on This

Executive Order #53: Making This Saturday "Free Shit from Best Buy" Day.

Executive Order #97: Banning "Gay" Marriage. Also, defines registered Republicans as "Gay."

Executive Order #113: Declaring March 19 "National Community College Cafeteria Depression Awareness" Day.

Executive Order #20: Mandating Daily Flossing on Penalty of Death

Executive Order #73: Investment Banker Subway Sandwich Artist Retraining Initiative

Executive Order #93: Ordering Mother-in-Law to Please Zip It During Cabinet Meetings*


Note: With world problems so dire, and with the hopes of the world invested in the capabilities and competence of the new President, and with so few comic angles on a serious, inspirational and intelligent man , expect a full force return of the Mother-in-Law joke.