Bio Blurb for the Laird's Latest Work, My Quiet, Noble Struggle With Nut Cancer

My Quiet, Noble Struggle With Nut Cancer (Meine Verkehrsarm, Edlen Kampf mit Mutter Krebs), is the 45th of the Laird's autobiographical works, books that have entertained, alarmed, inspired and confused a generation, particularly of Germans, from his first work, Shoving in A Clue, to 1989's NYT best seller, Additional Hats Beneath My Hat, to the book that changed urban duck hunting forever, What's Your Problem?

While most people have only one autobiography in them, Laird's annual autobiographies are anticipated by his legions of adoring, loyal fans, the Millionentreuenliebenswertenfans who once a year gather in Baden-Baden to celebrate the release of his latest work, which often takes nearly a year to write. Since 1998 when I Fear Very, Very Few Men was published, the event has been televised on Zweites Deutsches Fernsen; at its peak, when the lager has been well-distributed by the beloved blond Bierhündinnen in their native De Stihl uniforms, the Laird himself addresses the crowd on an enormous screen from his 35,000 acre emu ranch in Southwest Oregon, reading selections from Repetitions of Significant Accomplishments, the hit of the 1992 Vienna Biennialle, and Timeless Glories of 5.

My Quiet, Noble Struggle With Nut Cancer covers the period where he had cancer of the nuts and then heroically beat it by repeatedly lying down on cold metal tables, waiting in depressing, appalling decorated rooms, arranging to pay doctors large amounts of money, and suffering. It sold out its first two german language runs before it was even finished. Der Spiegel said "his struggle makes Lance Armstrong appear to be some sort of yankee doodle buffoon. By comparison with Laird's soaring example of iron spirit, what was the point of bike-boy even having cancer in the first place? Was obtaining access to the inside of Sheryl Crow's admittedly well-fitting pants really worth it?"

When not at his emu ranch, or with his wife, Lady Wife, Laird maintains a estate in Marin county, where he produces a rare bourbon whiskey, "Nutstrong Sour Mash Process." He is expected to make a full recovery in time to write next year's work, The DMV Archipelago.