TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES TODAY! For June 15, 2009

- Streets of Tehran Fill With Millions of Jonas Brothers Haters

- Sarah Palin Offended At Gallagher's Anti- Fruit Perversion

- Buffalo Gal Moves for Restraining Order

- Mice: Adorable Kittens Emerging as "Existential Threat"

- Robots: "Our Plan For World Domination Must Now Await Widespread Adoption of Windows 7"

- Obama Brings Cauliflower and Steak to the Table

- Republican Anger Swells at Denny's Menu

FEATURE- Kobe Bryant Makes a Wicked Chai Latte

A TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES TODAY'S URGENT OPINON, by North Korean Communist Dictator Kim Jong Il:

"Make Your Azaleas Thrive With the Use of Simple Organic Compost from the Leftover Vegetable Waste in Your Own Kitchen."