Now I'm a Trained, Professional Artist, Well-Paid, Looked-Up To, and With a Real Future! And Look at My Model!

I have been fascinated for years by the refusal of Archie comics to leave every supermarket checkout stand in America, without ever seeing anyone buy one. When there was nothing else to chat with the checker about, I'd ask if they ever sold any personally. Rather than say yes, it was more like "well I mean we must, right?"

In spite of 3 decades of my total indifference, the eternal Riverdale love triangle churned away. The last I'd thought of it was about the time Jughead hats showed up in San Francisco raves in the 90s, and yet notorious "girl-hater" Jughead had ironically removed his hat at the same time. Between this and the Richie Rich, I still mistrust anyone named "Reggie."

Now, Archie finally stops cutting bait, and it's Veronica. Personally I'm with Archie on this- if it's been 70 years and she's still into you, go for the glorious bitch-goddess. If you want a jealous folder of your laundry, Betty's your girl.

And yes, in this great metaphyscial false dichotmoy, I tend to date Veronicas. That's an issue for another post. Or book.

Anyway, this got me thinking about distinct childhood comic things, in particular the ads. I largely eschewed your average superheroes in my comics, preferring war or adventure stories for the most part. Superheroes frankly seemed a little childish or emptily scary. But as far as I was concerned, you couldn't off enough Nazis.

But we all shared the same ads. These stuck with me:

Polaris Submarine!

100 Toy Soldiers. I wanted these something awful, but smelled a rat, and according to reports, they were indeed crap. But the ad- an entire plain of war, in which you are the mighty commander....

Grit newspaper? It was a fascinating possibility- earn your own business as a small boy. Did you ever see an issue? No. And yet, it is still in print, with a 100,000 red state circulation and a website, no less, featuring praise of country churches, and a chicken recipe.

And well this one, obviously. I haven't quite got to the three times the money part.

Veronica, WWII, submarines, Be an Artist. I guess it was true- comics rot your brain.