Rebar for Tootsie Rolls: The Tantalizing Excerpt

...I felt in my suit pocket for the titanium nose the cops found at the bottom of the pool, my fingers wrapping around the cold nasal metal. Hmm. Lumpy. Disgusting. But I needed her to identify it, and why interrupt her pose like that, I mean like THAT, just when things were going so likeably?

"A little to the left, Angelpillows," said Ernie, accidentally wiping a pat of crimson on his forehead. A slight look of pique passed over the blonde's flawless brow, and she rolled her hips to the left.  25 seconds later I remembered about my lungs and gasped. 

"Mack, say hi to the pretty lady. Pretty Lady, this walking shambles of a man is Mack Brain," said Ernie, holding a thin brush steadily above the small canvas.

"Miss Appleshanks," I said, tipping my hat.

"How do you do, Mack?" she said. "Ha-ha! Your name is actually Mack, Mack!" And she giggled. I'd rather face a machete-wielding platoon of Armenian bill collectors- again - than endure the mockery of that cruel, delightful giggle. I felt like I was a chewed sock discovered behind the couch.  But then, what was it she was doing? Winking without winking. Wiggling without moving.

"Sierra, be gentle with Mack, he acts like a sack of barbed wire but he's got a heart made of candy whistles," said Ernie.  Then she flashed a rosy-lipped smile and my heart went "phweeeeeeeeeee."