Person is wrong on the Internet, thinks Alex Smith is bad

Has any player lasted as long in this sport without making any plays? Alex Smith has thrown for over 20 TDs twice in a dozen years. He routinely struggles to throw for over 200 yards in a game. After 10 weeks last year, he had completed a grand total of EIGHT passes that traveled 20 or more yards in the air. 

He is, at this point in his career, the ideal quarterback for when you don’t want your quarterback to do anything at all. He’s not a game manager. “Manager” implies someone who does things. Managers file reports and stuff! No no, Alex Smith is more of a vestigial side dish to any football game. He’s the little paper cup of coleslaw that comes with every order. He’s pleasantly worthless. From now until the end of time, you could insult any QB by comparing him to Alex Smith and I’ll know your EXACT issues with that player: weak arm, short passes, eternally TERRIFIED to turn the ball over. No one likes Alex Smith. He and Sam Bradford aspire to be one another.

*Ahem.*

Listen up, you fool.

This is not Steve DeBerg you're talking about.  Alex Smith does not play "just good enough for you to lose."  Alex Smith plays just good enough for your team to go 12-4 in the NFL.  DO YOU KNOW what 12-4 is motherfucker?  Here is what 12-4 is:  Patriots were better, 13-3.  Cowboys were better, same 13-3.  That's it.

Oh, you didn't win the Super Bowl?  You're right, that is totally Alex Smith's fault.  If you'd had Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady you totally would have won the Super Bowl.  Of course so would have ten other teams.  Shut up.

You know what Kansas City led the the League in last year?  Not points scored (13th).  Not points allowed (3rd).  Your team led the League in Turnover Differential.  KC had 33 takeaways vs. 17 giveaways, giving the Chiefs, on average, one extra possession a game.  That, my friend, is what we call an edge.

How did you get that edge?  Well, your outstanding defense led the NFL in takeaways, and then your quarterback made damn sure he didn't throw the ball back to the other team (8 INTs all year, 7th in the League).  And that is how a team that doesn't have Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers goes 12-4.

Tired of watching of it?  Sick of Alex Smith's body language, perhaps?

Oh definitely put Patrick Mahomes out there to "make some plays."  Let's see what your boy's got.  I'm sure his comical attempts to tackle better athletes returning his interceptions will enliven highlight reels everywhere.

Be grateful for what you've got.  Alex Smith is a professional quarterback.  He deserves better than the likes of you.

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[UPDATE - Brock Osweiler is available.]