TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

PORN STAR CLITORIS LOCATED

INJURED PIRATE APPRECIATES FRUIT BASKET

WAL-MART OPENS INSIDE IDENTICAL WAL-MART: DOUBLES SPACE, HALVES WAGES

CAPTAIN AMERICA'S STRIPPER DAUGHTER, LT. HIMALAYAS, DENOUNCES NAZI HAIR SCHEME

LEMURS DUMBFOUNDED

CRYING, RED-FACED VP CHENEY LEFT TOO LONG IN FRED MEYER 'FUN PEN'

ADORABLE KITTENS PERPLEXED BY YARN

GIMMICK NORTH, SOUTH DAKOTA TRADE EMBARGO FAILS TO GENERATE SALES

SHOPPER VISITS RECORD 437 MALLS: REPORTS VAGUE SENSE OF DISSATISFACTION, ALIENATION

AMATEUR DRYLY COMIC HEADLINE WRITER PLEADS FOR INTERVENTION

DEATH METAL SINGER FIRED FROM TELEMARKETING JOB

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN STUDY CONFIRMS CLARION, WI TEENAGE GIRL "TOTALLY LAMEST PERSON EVER"

CHINESE GOVERNMENT LEASES CULTURAL REVOLUTION COPYRIGHT TO MTV 2

CHEEKY MONKEY ASHAMED

[I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES. -LoM]
[Concur. -MoF]