The Knockout Punch

Every four years, I propose my ultimate cannot-lose plan to get elected president, and every four years, the major parties (and the minor ones too, for that matter) ignore me.

Undaunted, I again propose Dr. X's Sure-Fire Get-Elected Plan. It is very simple: everyone who votes gets a brand-new, American-made free car.

I know! Why haven't they done it? It's so obvious! Think of the advantages:

• Voter turnout goes to 99.9%.
  
• Immediate improvement in air quality as people drive more efficient new cars.
• Immediate relief from high oil prices, as we can put MPG restrictions on the cars to be given away.
  
• Immediate improvement in the disparity between rich and poor as even our poorest citizens get hot, flashy wheels they can be proud of.
• Immediate boost to the economy as Ford, GM, and the rest hire more workers and ramp up production.
• American companies a get leg up on their competition by running higher production volumes, better leveraging fixed-costs and gaining learning-curve benefits.
  
• Immortality for the candidate who implements the plan. President Kerry - the man who gave every American a new car. Clinton would give his eye-teeth for a tagline like that.
• The undying gratitude of millions of registered voters.

You're scratching your head.

There must be a downside, you say.

Well, it wouldn't be free, of course. By my calculations, it would cost $2-4 trillion (the lower figure if we use the Bush-Gore turnout and a $20k per car assumption). You might think that's a lot.

But you'd be wrong! It's nothing! Bush and his team have run up $7.4 trillion in debt, from less than half that when they took over. And they managed to do this without giving us all free cars! My proposal would increase this by a mere 30% or so, and would leave America infinitely better off. And as every Dick Cheney knows, Reagan taught us that deficits don't matter.

The time for half-measures has passed. E-mail your favorite presidential candidate today. Tell him where you stand.

Make him take the pledge: No taxation without free transportation!