Key 2001 Engineering Recommendations for New Orleans or Instructions for Playing An Open "G" Guitar Chord

Bush Chokes a G Chord Trying to Play "the Night of the New Orleans Flood"

1. Place your left hand parallel to the fretboard with the middle finger at the third fret on the low "E" string, right hand holding a pick between thumb and forefinger, but not resting on the strings.

2. Have the head of the Louisiana Governor's Office of Coastal Activities drag all the parties to one table in 1998 and get them to agree on a coordinated solution: Coast 2050. Good. Now complete every recommended project over a decade or more for an estimated $14 billion. You can ditch a dysfunctional missile system in Alaska to pay for it if you like.

3. Erect huge seagates across the pair of narrow straits that connect the eastern edge of Lake Pontchartrain, which lies north of the city, to the gulf.

4. Place your index finger on the A string, one below the low E, on the second fret.

5. Build a new navigation channel from the Gulf into the Mississippi, about 40 miles south of New Orleans, so ships don't have to enter the river at its three southernmost tips 30 miles further away.

6. Cut several channels in the levees on the Mississippi River's southern bank (the side that doesn't abut the city) and secure them with powerful floodgates that could be opened at certain times of the year to allow sediment and freshwater to flow down into the delta, re-establishing it.

7. Create a modern port at the new access point that would replace those along the river that are too shallow to handle the huge new ships now being built worldwide.

8. Now here's the tricky part: stretch your hand and place the tip of your pinky on the high (thin) E string, the one farthest down the strings, on the third fret in line with your middle finger on the low E string, which is also on the third fret.

9. Most obviously, raise, extend and strengthen the city's existing but aging levees, canal walls and pumping systems.

10. Now, double check that your chord is on the correct fret (or you will get a terrible sounding chord), and then with firm pressure from each finger on each single string, and not the touching other strings, strum evenly and quickly with the pick without touching the strings with the right hand. You're on your way to becoming a rock star!