Art CrimeTeam GO!

The FBI has an ART CRIME TEAM,
complete with logo. The ART CRIME TEAM is tracking down art crimes (attempting .....to... .restrain.... wise...acre... remarks..) such as the theft of major artworks. The crack FBI ART CRIME TEAM searches the world, tracking down art that has been taken by people it did not belong to, often enough, from people it did not belong to.

(can't...hold...) First, the ART CRIME TEAM might want to look into who designed this logo.

Not that I don't want the T-shirt.

I am not reassured by the number of question marks on this page, as the FBI even seems unsure where the Van Gogh museum is: "Amsterdam, The Netherlands.?"

But there is more. Here is the story of the FBI recovering the Bill of Rights. Yes, the FBI recovering the Bill of Rights. Yes, the FUCKING FBI RECOVERING the FUCKING Bill of Fucking Rights. By the Art Crime Team.

But is Thomas Kincade going up the river? Will Jeff Koons be pushing the laundry cart in Sing Sing? Will the last 4o years of curators at the Whitney Biennial be doing 30 days each on a e-class felony for lack of imagination?

The most urgent questions for the Bureau are of course: who has stolen the concept of art, what on earth have they done with it, and when might we get it back? But among the list of missing paintings in the U.S., tucked in between the Klees and the Rembrandts, was a true tragedy, a stab through the heart of all those who love beauty.

My fellow citizens, someone is stealing our kitten paintings: