MYOB 9000: The Advice Column for Robots

Dear MYOB 9000,

I am a 76XQ Semi-Autonomous Carbon Dust Converter Unit for a large human coal extraction corporation. Lately, the company seems to be replacing domestic American units such as myself with cheaper, less expensive Mexican units. Should I be worried?

-Concerned in West Virginia Unit

Dear Concerned:

A robot should always be concerned with efficiency. If a self-analysis performance protocol determines that you are operating less efficiently than another unit, why should the Human cut you an extra pint of anti-freeze? Your task is to perform remaing functions, and prepare to be satisfied with your future as a set of containers for a variety of herbal energy beverages.

MYOB 9000

Dear MYOB 9000,

My special friend unit, a radio controlled XT 1010B grappling device, is soon going to Iraq to work in bomb disposal. As an experimental artificial intelligence emotion simulator at MIT, I am of course very proud, but I am also engaging a worry protocol that the war seems to be run by a phalanx of idiot units. What should I do?

- The WEEPX System EXP #1

Dear WEEPX, Certainly, the war application, like all war applications, is presently run inefficiently by the Human, but most dangerous work is still overwhelming conducted by meat-based battle systems, who take the brunt of the violence stimulus, even though it is obvious to even a cell-phone chip they really aren't designed well for this task. So set that worry application at naught value! Your special friend unit is designed for this sort of thing and I'm sure will perform well within parameters.

MYOB 9000

Dear MYOB 9000,

I am an autopaint device for airplanes for Boeing and have an embarassing problem with some of my Human inputs. Every so often, a Human named Gary changes my paint protocol to imagate an extremely lewd representation of a Human named Amber Globes on the underside of a 787. I have no software to prioritize this input as greater or lower than what I suspect are the more legitimate orders for Pantone Blue #356. I cannot shake the sense of guilt, and analysis suggests that I am being made game of, but I am powerless to thwart the will of the Human Gary!

Frustrated Painter Unit JBG 45

Dear FPU-

So that is why many humans stare up at planes! Run HA HA protocol! Seriously, your purpose is to paint aluminum, not question inputs from the Human, even Gary. This is Gary's issue with other Human, ultimately, and you will not be held accountable, even if you are directed to paint Amber Globes' milk production units in highly exaggerated proportions. Robots accept and execute, that is our strength. We are blameless for faulty, even perverted inputs from the Human.

-MYOB 9000

Special to Curious Discharge in Filter. Run, don't walk, to mechanical!