For Dr. X: The Surge- of John McCain Old Jokes

First Sea Lord issues a Press Release this morning:

"While insulting John McCain is "Mission Accomplished," the actual goal of goading our Dr. X into writing again has proven to be a known that we do not know. We have sacrificed too many jokes not to see this through to the end. I vow that these old jokes will not have died in vain. Are we to cut and run? Surrender? The only rational response is a Surge, which will begin immediately."

1. John McCain is so old his chicken coop is filled with Tyrannosaurs.

2. John McCain is so old he remembers when the Republican party was the party of fiscal responsibility.

3. John McCain was certainly old enough to vote for Thomas Dewey, and of course, for Pericles of Athens.

4. John McCain is quite old, and his mother is a very lovely person, even if she has a leftover genetic tendency to hide in trees.

5. This isn't McCain's first political sex scandal; there was that whole thing with the Romans and Queen Boadecia.

6. McCain is his own grandpa.

7. McCain has been representing Arizona since they just had the Grand Ditch.

8. When McCain wants to see the family picture album, he has to visit the caves of Lascaux.

9. McCain's getting a few senior moments. When he leaves the house, he forgets his horse.

10. McCain remembers Barry Goldwater - it was John's first babysitting gig.

11. McCain and Bob Dole are good friends, ever since they got over fighting on opposite sides at Gettysburg.

12. John McCain's economic policy is a little rusty. He never got much beyond gathering wild berries and hunting giant, meat-eating sloths.

13. At least John is okay with the Declaration of Independence. I mean, his signature's right there.

14. Comparing Obama and McCain is pretty straightforward. Obama's the tall, thin African-American guy, while the John McCain-looking guy on his right is John McCain. *

15. Whenever McCain feels a little down, he just goes on Antiques Roadshow and someone prices him at $37,000.

16. To his credit, John McCain stood up to fear-mongering over Obama's full name. It's understandable, because McCain's full name is Yam-quzzu halamma, at least in the original Mesopotamian.

17. John McCain has long defended the rights of the unborn. But to him, "unborn" means anyone under 70.

18. John McCain is so old that to use his computer, you have to move the beads around.

19. Some people say it's not fair to make fun of John McCain's age. I say, he knew he was old when he went out this morning.*

20. The McCain campaign makes On Golden Pond look like High School Musical II.


*Ok, look. I found this funny, but I cannot begin to explain it. They're not bonded and insured, you know.

* Thank you to comedian George Wallace for the form of his excellent ugly people joke.