Alternate New York Times William F. Buckley Obituary Sentences

William F. Buckley Jr., who marshaled polysyllabic exuberance, famously arched eyebrows and a refined, perspicacious mind to elevate conservatism to the center of American political discourse, died Wednesday at his home in Stamford, Conn. *

These are the second sentences:

1. He was noted for his foresight in writing his own obituary lede for the New York Times.

2. As the enormous crowd on the family estate pulled off their Coors Light hats in respect, his mangled body was pulled from the wreckage of his beloved, 2500 horsepower Monster Truck, "Privilege."

3. He was found slumped over his desk, where he had been drafting the 14th edition of his thesaurus of condescending euphemisms for poor people.

4. Thus, the whitest man in the world met the blackness of death.

5. Doctors attributed his death to his well known condition, chronic MFS, or Melting Face Syndrome.

6. His voice snapping with a sadistic sarcasm dressed in an elaborate leather vocabulary, Buckley was famous for opposing U.S. entry in WWII, demanding the firing of professors who did not share his values. He cheered apartheid and Joe McCarthy, painting a pseudo-intellectual glaze on the catastrophic rise of the American right-wing. The pages of National Review reverberated with the barking of his incessant demands for upper-class hegemony. William F. Buckley was, at 82, the consummate asshole.