The Big Casino
One thing our blog has been lacking is a chronicle of someone being treated for cancer. Well, I've got some good news for you: I'm gonna do it!
(Oh, maybe I should have formulated that as "I have some good news and some bad news.")
Well, the bad news is this: I have been diagnosed with testicular cancer. The first stage is diagnostic. I learned this from Wikipedia, yesterday:
The diagnosis is made by performing an orchiectomy
I know, you're probably thinking to yourself, "I better have one of those, too, just to be on the safe side." Well, if you don't have any other symptoms of testicular cancer, you may want to hold off until some develop, or at least get a second opinion.
My orchiectomy is scheduled for Tuesday, after which I'll probably need a week or so to recover. Once they give me a CT scan and examine the teste in question, they'll know if I get to have some radiation and/or chemotherapy. (Luckily, I live in the pro-America part of America where I can easily score the chronic.)
I'm telling you now: I'm gonna beat this thing. (FYI: the survival rate for this cancer is as close to 100%.) When I do, I'm going to start a foundation, "Nut Strong," so that my heroic struggle can inspire millions. THIS IS NECESSARY because I can't think of one famous person who's ever had testicular cancer. People still believe that having testicular cancer means never riding a bicycle again. I WILL PROVE THEM WRONG. When I've licked it, I will ride my bicycle to work and back, FOUR MILES EACH WAY, sometimes THREE days a week (if it's not raining).
posted by VMM at 3:37 PM
11 Comments:
Well, I'm glad he posted it. Saves me surreptitious emails. Or not.
Still, I'm immensely proud of my brave, strong, logical, smart and handsome husband!
And yes, as so many of you have queried, I'm very glad that my sweetheart owns his own kilt!
All Hail my Nut Strong spouse...and call me off-line if you know where to score.
I have not had this experience, and don't wish to make light of...
Oh who am I kidding, this is brilliant! Nothing underscores your manhood like some scars on your nutsack. Next time some punk disses you, you say: "I've had better things than you surgically excised from my scrotum."
I have a friend who got entangled with barbed wire in a particularly unfortunate way. The resulting scars have a great conversational topic for him.
I had a modest little birth defect in college that required 'minor surgery' on my, er, modules. It was a lot of fun the next week chasing my girlfriend around while she screamed "the stitches! Careful of your stitches!"
Go get 'em cowboy, and good luck.
you have always been my hero. now when this thing's over lets have a party, nay, a BALL!
big love,
~j
Today, old bean, we are all NUTSTONG.
Well, this is easily the funniest post about a loved one with cancer that I've ever read.
On your behalf I've researched a few details of your malady:
I got as far as determining what color of ribbon I should wear in support.
I stopped at that point. Because, really... orchid? Why couldn't you have been diagnosed with Amish instead?
Anyway, rather than donate to a cancer charity or something useful, I decided to register www.nutstrong.com and www.nutstrong.org instead.
Stay NUTSTRONG bro!
Well shoot, let's have a song!
i strongly suggest that you wear the kilt for all your medical apts. you can walk in, go into a wide stance, arms on you sides and holler
"fired up, ready to go!"
LOL
I am glad you told us, and because I am the worrier of the group please allow me to worry. Good luck with the procedure. I know they will have to use the extra-large procedure tools on those church bells.
PS Just because I am worrying doesn't preclude me from nicknaming you "lefty" or "righty" as the case may warrant.
Keep us posted.
So this pirate walks into a bar. He's got this ship's steering wheel attached to the crotch of his breeches.
The bartender says: Pirate, you have a ship's wheel coming out of your pants!
so the Pirate says: Arrrrghh, it's driving me nuts.
This seems like a bit of a rude joke for an elven queen.
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