What's Wrong with the Large Hadron Collider?

The Large Hadron Collider, the massive particle accelerator built to isolate the Higgs-Boson particle and other theoretical subatomic doohickeys, is having trouble starting up. What is the cause?



- Roomba left running all night vacuumed up the anti-matter.

- Excess build-up of 11th dimensional lint in the screen.

- Binding repair contract with Jiffy Lube.

- Burdensome government anti-black-hole-sucking-up-the-earth regulations.

- Electrical problems caused by Norwegian black-metal band Skitliv practicing next door.

- Space elves on strike, according to angry, drunken physicist Dr. Karl Poesner.

- Probably kids playing in the accelerated proton stream

- Quark supply discontinued at Costco.

- As one engineer said, just because it involves string theory doesn't mean you should build it with actual strings.

-Should've gone with the Standard Model, but no, they had to get the iLargeHadronCollider.