But What a Widget It Is

Even more than the software industry, the motor vehicle industry lives on hype. From the advertising, to the journalism, to the customers themselves, even the most prosaic vehicles are bathed in superlatives. A routine test drive of yet another ordinary sedan elicits descriptive terms better-suited to a helicopter crash.

Since all vehicle reviews must be hyperbolic, there is a special challenge when an actually superior vehicle is encountered. I recall a brilliantly over-the-top 1990s magazine review of the V-Max (maybe in Cycle?). I can't find it on the Interwebs, alas, but snippets still linger in my mind. There was something about toe tags, and, "I saw Jesus so many times I started using him as a braking marker." [Update: Jeff Karr, Motorcyclist magazine, apparently...]

But in a world where even the humdrum must be hyped to infinity, it is a rare review that offers you a glimpse of a truly superior ride. Which is why I so enjoyed Dan Neil's L.A. Times review of the Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG Gullwing (here).

Neil understands that ordinary hyperbole just won't do. So we get:

The lightest throttle feathering produces a molten, bubbling overrun note that sounds like a hot caldron of Venusian sex.

Note, in particular, his ability to acknowledge impressive capability without actually becoming emotionally involved. This is L.A., after all, and the car is basically the automotive equivalent of Pamela Anderson. All the boxes have been checked, but it's still not love.

The supernumerary techno-speak isn't all that important. Mercedes-Benz has dared to build a car and call it Gullwing. The question is, is this one worthy of the name?

No, but how could it be? The 300SL was a minor miracle. This car is a widget, a commodity, a product.

The object of Dan's musings: