Conference Report of the International Boathouse Summit

Once again, conference participants represented an astonishing diversity of expertise at an International level, comprising the greatest and most accomplished persons within a 100 foot radius. Numerous discussions produced a fascinating compendium to human knowledge demonstrating a comprehensive, wholistic approach to multifarious areas of inquiry.

Among the findings:

1. It is suggested that Isengard.Gov adopt an IRC channel, permitting opportunistic, erudite dialectics based on the publication of sound findings.

2. Early Times whiskey is best enjoyed when contained in a patently absurd, 1.5 litre plastic bottle shaped to resemble a small flask-style bottle, thus creating the illusion that the whiskey is being consumed by a tiny alcoholic.

3. Assorted, loud, frequently repeated cheers were offered to the success of the Democratic Party in recent elections, returning the nation to some semblance of the rule of law, pragmatism, and common decency. Broad calls were made for revenge, the furtherance of humiliation of our enemies and the taking of spoils, although these faced reflective opposition.

4. Vicious and personal insults and jeers directed at Republicans should be preceded with the phrase "In the spirit of bipartisanship," as in "In the spirit of bipartisanship, Karl Rove can go suck back a bottle of liquid nitrogen and play dodgeball. "

5. Strict prohibitions against the presence of computers, televisions, and other distracting technology at the summit greatly enhanced the far more humanized, personal experience of talking with other people about computers, television, and other distracting technology.

6. V. Marsch may be the greatest actor in the history of film. That few know his name in connection with the field, or any of his performances, or have as evidence anything other than his near total absence from stage and screen, it simply speaks to his brilliantly conceived, understated and surrealistic style. What, many ask, would Schindler's List be without him? Exactly the same of course. And that is precisely the point, and the very source of his complexity.

7. While the Viceroy's bagpipes fall temporarily silent due to a malady we term Piper's Fingers (also known as Self Abuser's Carpals), his ability to do appalling, surprising things to people's shoes is completely undiminished.

9. The internally arranged hat shaping device named the "Hat-Jack" was far more popular as the subject of ribald banter when renamed the "Ass-Jack."

10. The Anchorage restaurant Gwennie's has a direct relationship with the Sequim Gwennie's; namely, Gwennie, according to Gwennie.

11. Through an extensive survey of those who know, it has been rigorously established that Anchorage, Alaska was much, much more fun in the old days, and those of us who were growing up there at the time were intentionally misinformed by our parents in order to prevent us from having this fun, albeit for highly understandable reasons.

The conference attendees are thanked for their extensive service to humanity, herein.