Should I not tell them I have a bombe?!

While boarding an aircraft today I was instructed, per usual, to remove my shoes, and all electronics (I'm a two bin man), and any toiletries, as well as - and this is new - any snacks.

Snacks?

Snacks?!

The mind reels. There are so many questions, all of which I did not ask:

• "I have a turkey dinner here - would that be considered a snack?"
• "Would you say these crispy prosciutto baked brie bites with honey pears are a snack, or more of an appetizer?"
• "Would this vial of the tears of my enemies considered a snack or a beverage?"

But even if we could clearly ascertain which comestibles are snacks, and which are Hors d'Oeuvres or Elevenses, or Removes...why exactly do they want to inspect it?

Clearly, some snacks are potentially dangerous, while others are hamless...I mean harmless.  Obviously, CHEETOS® Crunchy FLAMIN' HOT® Cheese Flavored Snacks would be considered a threat under any circumstances - probably shouldn't even take those on buses - and Doritos® Spicy Nacho Flavored Tortilla Chips ought to be classified as a munition, and probably are in Europe.

Innocent confection?  Or DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE-Y MURDER?

I did have snacks in my bag, put there by my wife.  I removed them as innocuously as possible, dreading the next question:  "Sir, did you pack these snacks yourself?"

To which I would have had to respond, "no, they were packed by my wife, who is a citizen of a foreign power with an Islamic-aligned government."

Ahmed, with these snacks we could RULE THE WORLD!

Fortunately the staff were inattentive, so I avoided detention and ruthless questioning...this time.  But the TSA's onto me.  Gotta be doubly careful from now on.  In Trump's America, your next TSA snack mistake...could be your last.

Snacks More Dangerous Than Flamin' Hot Cheetos - link