A Few Miscellaneous Thoughts

Dr. X posts this from the Miscellany Library at the Quentin Crisp Center for Advanced Raconteurship:

"This Foley thing has me all up in arms. This is a lot of gayness, even for the GOP.

"Here is the problem with Democracy, and it has been a problem since the Spartans took down the walls of Athens. (And you know about the Spartans.)

"A democracy needs a strong military. If you don't have a strong military other countries push you around, kick sand in your face, call you names. If you're not careful you start to enjoy it. And then you're not a democracy, you're just a naughty little bitch.

"So we need a strong military. And a strong military needs a strong military elite. And, from the time of Achilles, strong military elites have attracted gays the way a hot Ducati draws gawkers.

"What can you do? You've gotta clean house, early and often. You have to purge and purge or you're up to your ass in sweaty muscular men brandishing Barbara Streisand posters. What the hell do you think The Night of the Long Knives was about? Anyway, that taught them a lesson, and Hitler hardly had any further problems with gays after that.

"Then there was that little incident (the inspiration for the Monty Python cannibalism sketch) when they discovered about half the Royal Navy was




"You never get rid of them completely. Society subconsciously needs its gay friends. So we create little roles for them to play, inconspicuous places in our ecosystem that accomodate strong, distant men of ambiguous sexual preference.

"Look, I'm not judging here, just observing. A few salient facts, that's all. And I know nothing about the man, but I know what I think of Tommy Franks' name.

"So let's gay up, folks. Its the only way to assure our freedom."