An Inconvenient Tooth

Dr. X posts this from the Department of Bibilical Anthropology and Fossil Research at Mid-American Christian University:

"You know, there is a really large problem with the human-centric world view of the Christian tradition. The idea that we are God's children - something I actually believe, at least in some sense - is subject to, er...amendment, in light of the news of our late sibilings. I refer, of course, to the Neanderthals.

"Study of the Neanderthals remains controversial, but three points seem inescapable:

"1) They were, like us, capable of thought, social behavior, speech, and tool use. They sometimes buried their dead.
"2) DNA evidence shows they were remarkably like us, but were not us, with the last common ancestor living about 700,000 years ago. (Those who get their pre-history from the Bible argue that Neanderthals were just like us - not a competitor race that went extinct. The latest genetic evidence says: nice try, but no cigar.).
"3) We're still here, they're all gone.

"Like Elvis, we have a lost twin in our past. It is a terrible family secret, something we never speak of. But when people ask 'are we alone in the universe?' let's first understand - there was a time when we were not even alone on earth. Another species of intelligent beings walked this planet with us, and missed only the final hurdle before civilization and modernity, the eyeblink of the last 24-33,000 years.

"This matter does not come up in the Bible, or any other sacred writing of which I am aware (ok Grendel, but they don't sing from that in church). It is the darkest secret. But why? Did we murder them and hide this out of guilt? Did we interbreed with them, merging the two candidate species into one more acceptable to God?

"I wonder if the secret is even darker, even more powerful. Perhaps we outcompeted them, despite their superior strength and superior adaptation to cold climates, because we were religious. Our collective human-centric view, expressed in all religions, gave us the will and purpose to collaborate effectively against them. It allowed more coherent social organization, even when it was against the reproductive interests of some members of our society. It made us fear death less. This atheist, at least, is willing to entertain the thought.

"I think this is a powerful theological question - what if being religious (irrespective of the truth or falsity of religion) confers an evolutionary advantage?

"And what does it say about our religions that the topic of the Neanderthal never comes up? Most religions make some claim to exclusivity. You're either with us, they say, or you are doomed - only [insert name of religion here] has the answer. But the unreported existence of the Neanderthals undermines this claim to universal knowledge.

"We now know that a race of intelligent human-like beings shared the earth with us for millenia. You claim to know all, but failed to mention this? Are there other things you are not bringing to our attention? Is there a giant planet-eating gerbil, or worse, on the other side of Rigel you have forgotten to tell us about? Perhaps Homo Erectus is due for a comeback? Is there a plan to have us replaced by the Kea at some point?

"If you believe consciousness and intelligence - two key characteristics of our species - are gifts from God and distinguish us from all other species...well, what did we do right, and what did the Neanderthals do wrong? They were not props in some spiritual play. They lived and breathed here on earth, they thought and fought and laughed and cried. Were they children of your God? If so why were they never mentioned? If not, why not? Did your God kick their God's ass?

"Surely they were sentient by any spiritual standard. This is not some macrauchenia we're talking about, some quasi-agricultural ungulate.

"Ha, you might say, I'm an atheist. Like Pat Buchanan watching a Chinese guard harass Bella Abzug, you're thinking, 'I don't have a dog in this fight.'

"Oh, but you do. For if you are a humanist, and most of you are, this creates a little problem of what it is to be human. Why are humans special? What distinguishes us from other species? Look on the cranium of the Neanderthal and despair - that's Peter Singer over there, with a baseball bat, about to kick your ass. Because you're not special, you're just another dumb fucking chimp.

"Let me also offer a plug for a blog I discovered while researching this - the brilliantly-named thinkingmeat.com. Mmm, thinking meat. I'm guessing the Neanderthals enjoyed it from time to time."