Ted Stevens Joke-Off

Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted. For lying on federal documents. For example, he claimed he was born after the Civil War ended in 1865.

You can dream of an being an old man selling out his government for a beige house and gas grill. Or you can be Ted Stevens.

Just goes to show you what happens when you combine an angry Republican Senator and two cases of Red Bull.

Ted Stevens now faces a series of 7 tubular felony indictments.

I guess from now on he'll be filibustering his cellmate "Shanky" up at the Statesville Prison.

Ted Stevens denies the charges and stands on his integrity: in 65 years of public service, he has never once turned down a bribe.

No one denies that Stevens is close the oil industry, like that time in the 70's when his face was the beloved mascot for Exxon gas station signs all over the country.

Which is more appalling: a U.S. Senator taking bribes, or him taking such tacky ones?

And I now repeat my personal favorite:

Alaskans all owe a debt of gratitude to Ted Stevens for blazing the way across the Bering Land Bridge during the last Ice Age.