June 23, 2006

I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Dog Overlords

Dr X. posts this via a message in a Fortune Cookie at Dim Sum King:

"What with the world about to end nine different ways (way #1, way #2, way #3 (Tanza-fucking-nia!), way#4...you get the idea), I believe not enough attention has been paid to the fact that robot dogs are inventing their own language. I am mildly concerned that even if we survive these other perils, robot dogs are inventing their own language. Whatever success we have in meeting the challenges of tomorrow, it may prove fruitless because robot dogs are inventing their own language.

"It is a peculiar feeling, living as I do in a fortified cavern somewhere north of Banalia (no, really, Banalia), to want to go and hide somewhere. I have carefully reviewed the options for human survival. They are as follows:

"1) Forge a new spirit of geopolitical cooperation and address these problems with fresh energy and unity.

"Just kidding. Let's move on.

"2) Go underground. It works for Osama (and Hollywood), but there could be unforeseen problems.

"3) Go into space. Hawking figures this is our best shot. (Let me also note here that Hawking has, arguably, the hottest nurse of any leading quadriplegic astrophysicist.)

"I'm with Hawking. Andy Long was right - it's time to get off this rock. We've got to get busy and get into space. I call shotgun."

3 Comments:

Blogger Latouche at Large said...

The working title for Dr. X's new book is "The Evil of Banalia".

June 23, 2006 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger First Sea Lord said...

Apocolpsia, off the top of my head:

Nanotech malfunction goos up life. Genetic uniformity in crops opens path to world famine. Boutique eugenics creates irretrivable class structure. Huge aquifer feeding US agriculture runs dry. Estrogenic compounds in plastic push male fertility below replacement. AIDS, Bovine Spongiform encephelopathy, malaria, tuberculosis, cold mutates slightly Pneumomic plague gets out of Ghana, possible during defeat of US soccer team. Heritage Foundation endorses non-compensated mandatory employment as effective economic strategy. Robot uprising. Mexican uprising. Minimum wage uprising. Maximum wage uprising (oops - happened already.) Republicans "adopt uniforms." More than two Nuclear boo-boos tip human fertility past replacement. US nuclear sub commanders listen to Rush Limbaugh. Russian ICBM sub commanders become skinheads. Fish run out. Oil runs out. Corn runs out. Peanut allegies lay waste to entire school districts. Oxygen content of atmosphere drops as much as it did in the last 100,000 years. Magnetic poles reverse. American Idol ruins democracy.

Space weather destroys all electronics. Alligators mutate and take out signature loans. Misguided effort distributes machetes to world children.

Rabies begins to spread through Skittles.
Killer Bees and Ants team up.

Cockroaches grow thumbs.

Acceleration of spatial expansion in universe doubles. Alpha Centuri exploded three years ago.
Jupiter wobbbles. The Moon becomes depressed. Milky Way runs into an old friend and ditches us in a cafe.

Honey Nut Cheerios are found to cause delusions of godhood.

11th dimensional brane collision, like the one that might have created the universe, randomly destroys all space and time.

Chapter 2....

June 24, 2006 at 9:04 PM  
Blogger Latouche at Large said...

Dr. X posts this comments from a pirate radio station on SeaLand:

"But, not only, not only the right of free travel, I'm saying...robot dogs are inventing their own language."

June 25, 2006 at 10:29 AM  

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