June 26, 2006

Stewart on Matt Lauer's Report on Your Pants, and Why You Should Crap Them

Dr. X posts this in the runic language of the half-Indian, half-Viking inhabitants of the Minnetonka region, which I have translated using Google:

"Jon Stewart with another world-class monologue, this one on the end of the world. Matt Lauer may never show his face in public again. 'The world will be fine,' explains Stewart. 'As far as the world is concerned, human beings are just kind of an irritating rash.'

"I just realized the sensation I had watching this - it was the feelingI had watching Larry Bird going against Magic Johnson in 1986, that I was never going to see basketball that good again. It's just dawning on me - no one on TV has ever been this smart and funny in my lifetime. Not Chevy Chase, not the Smothers Brothers, not Newhart, not Laugh-In...these guys are as good as it has ever been.

"I mean, we take it for granted, but in the middle of this Stewart breaks character and imitates a dinosaur going about its daily business for 10 seconds, then comes right back. This is professional comedy of the highest level.

"And the writing. My God it's good. If you really want to feel crappy about yourself and your own accomplishments, look on the resume of Daily Show head writer David Javerbaum, and despair. When did you stop reading The Onion? Around 1999 you say? Yeah, that's about when he left.

"I say: stop the contest. Javerbaum wins. Name him a National Treasure now, and be done with it.

"And, since we're talking about the Allman Brothers, I've got Stewart as Duane and Colbert as Dickie Betts (Colbert on Hawking here), but I could go either way on that."


Blogger First Sea Lord said...


Edward Teller's doomsday plane is built, the one that flies for months on a dirty radiation engine that spits lethal doses in a neverneding ten mile swath, combined with a robotic h-bomb dropper, just for show.

World Machete Day goes awry.

Christian fundamentalists, tired of waiting, start provoking nuclear war in the middle east (already working on that one).

Heavy metal contamination in fish reaches slightly more toxic levels, combined with slight protein-RNA sequencing problems in genetically modified wheat, creates new enzymes which cause head to melt.

Five syllables: Soylent bio-diesel.

Two years after Round-Up is perfected, it turns out that dandelions were the main source of oxygen for the atmosphere.

Islamic terrorists buy up Berkshire Hathaway.

Computer screens cause rickets.

Envelopes containing any form of pre-approval turn into main type of ebola carrier.

Adam Sandler. Just Adam Sandler.

Rotovirus, spread by contaminated water in Third World, Starbucks in developed world.

George Bush's lower intestinal tract insists new Death Gel be applied in worldwide conflicts before complete testing reveals it's often confused for gel caplets.

AIDS starts spreading by getting to second base.

Jesus arrives, marked Returned to Sender.

June 27, 2006 at 11:57 AM  

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