An Open Letter to the President

Dr. X asks me to post this, although I do not exactly understand what it says:

"Dear Mr. President:

"We write to express our support for your courageous stand in these dark times. A commentator today told a national television audience that you deserved the admiration of all for your willingness to stand up for what is right, even if it is unpopular. U.S. Representative Steve Pierce has compared your position to that of Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War - despite his unpopularity, he "had the courage to hold onto the concept that we must let liberty triumph." And surely that is right. The President must be a leader, not a follower. He cannot kowtow to fickle public opinion. He must show the way.

"And it is in that spirit that we write to you today in support of a reasoned dialogue about an issue that is too often discussed in sentimental or emotional terms. Like the troop surge, it is an issue on which capricious public opinion does a serious disservice to rational civil discourse. Once the facts are before you we believe you will agree that it is a simple matter of right and wrong, and another instance in which our Leadership must rise above the passing fancy of the crowd.

"Mister President, every day in our great nation, thousands of pounds of nutritious food are wasted. Because of outdated policies they are discarded - burned, buried, even soaked in toxic chemicals. Hungry people are deprived of these comestibles, even as they are used in antiquated religious ceremonies and displays of frankly pagan origin. An entire industry has sprung up to facilitate these archaic and irrational practices.

"Surely you would agree that no American should go to bed hungry at night, but millions do. This tragedy is all the more appalling, when you consider that a nutritious, satisfying, and frankly delicious food source is readily available. Therefore, Mister President, we urge you to educate yourself on the issue of Responsible Human Food Consumption Policy. You will find no shortage of nay-sayers and special interests who oppose thoughtful regulation of human food consumption, but we urge you to show, as you have shown in Iraq, the courage to do what is right. The braying masses may try to shout down reasonable human food consumption policy initiatives, but you, sir, can put that right. You can ensure that human food consumption in this country comes from out the shadows - where it is unregulated and provides no tax revenue - and into the light, where it can be served with fava beans and a nice chianti.

"Mister President, we are certain that your successor will not share your instinct for moral leadership. We are concerned that the next leader of this great nation will be someone who is preoccupied with the changeable whims and shifting moods of the people, instead of sound moral principles. Before that dark day comes, we urge you to sign an Executive Order* authorizing sensible human food consumption practices, as outlined in our white paper, 'Enhancing Protein Content of Diets for the Economically Disadvantaged', available online, and at reading rooms in most major cities.

"Then Americans will truly understand what you mean when you talk about 'leadership'.

"Sincerely yours,

"Citizens for Sensible Human Food Consumption Policy


"* We are pretty sure that, with the current Supreme Court, an Executive Order is all it would take.
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