Incomplete Comedy Concepts, Most of Which Involve John McCain

1. "Consarn it, you ol' CowPope!" - Walter Brennan, in "Howdy, Pontiff"

2. Dreams People Have Not Yet Had About John McCain:

a) It's just like Indianna Jones and the Last Crusade, and John McCain is trying to chose the true Holy Grail from the ones the ancient crusader is guarding. But if you chose the wrong one, it makes you really old fast and you dry up. And he does pick the wrong one, but he drinks it and nothing happens.

b) A man runs along a rainbow, chasing it through a rain shower across a field to the end. It seems to represent his own happiness. Finally, after a long time, he actually catches up to it, where he finds John McCain, who warns the man to stay away from his goddamn gold.

c) John McCain calls a press conference. During the press conference, he picks out an 11 year old girl from the crowd, brings her up to the podium, and, as if he's revealing a very great secret, exhaustively describes most of the major hit songs of the band Foreigner.

3. As the Press combs through John McCain's past personal relationships they discover:

a. His closest friends included John Belushi, Charles Nelson Reilly, and Charlemagne. .
b. His most controversial pastor may not be Rev. Haggee at all, but a man named Martin Luther.
c. He is a devout Christian, having refreshed the breadsticks at the Last Supper .
d. What he didn't learn about politics from Cicero, he didn't learn.
e. Most of these people were not Cro-Magnon, but they certainly remembered a few scampering around the back forty.