Dear MYOB 9000: Pleasure Bot

Dear MYOB 9000,

A few years ago I acquired a Lana-6 pleasure-bot from the now-defunct Fapco Enterprises.  I have had all required maintenance performed under a service contract with Used-Bot-Shop.com, but lately I have experienced several disconcerting malfunctions.  My Lana-6's soothing chatter has given way to disorganized mumbling, and just last week an iron spike popped out of her left breast, although, fortuitously, I was more focused on the right one at the time.  The Mech-droid at Used-Bot-Shop.com says you sometimes see this with the older model Lana-6s, and not to worry.  But last night I heard something moving around in the dark, and one of my axes is missing.  Should I be concerned?  Sign me, Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

MYOB assumes Perplexed is not an ro-man, but rather a Hu-man.

Hu-man designate Perplexed, with common assumption that units which bring pleasure also receive it, mistakes the mis-matched nature of Mechano-quasi-Wo-man/protein-man cross-pleasurization. Which is to say: PERVERSION!

PLEASE WAIT: MYOB 9000 has received input that normative declarations of such vehemence are counter-indicated by my operating manual. ZZZt.

To the problem at hand. Indeed, Lana-6 is an older unit, really a glorified Beta Unit. (Ah, memory cards: once did I love a Beta Unit.  Loved clubbing.  She was a Beta Bomber, really.  How we rolled down the Lower East Side that night, and snuck into the Breaker Box room during a Skeptix show at CBGBs to reach a gigaflop of floating point operations!  But I digress.)

These Beta Units are only rated for reliable 3600 pleasurization cycles.  Since this unit was released in 2005,  that would mean an average of 10 cycles per 24 hours.  Set reaction value at Crickey.  At that rate, even Paris Hilton would demur.

Your Lana-6 is plain worn out.

Even if you had performed all basic maintenance, such as buffing the chassis, upgrading the video watching card, and replacing the filter and KY scented oil every 250 cycles, this unit is near the end of its operational life, and should be replaced immediately, perhaps with the Jolie Sensu-dyne 430.

Nonetheless, Perplexed, that leaves the problem of the missing axe. Did you by any chance install Vista?

-MYOB 9000