Dear Saruman: No Confederate Dresses After Memorial Day

Dear Saruman,
 
 Here where I live we're strong on pride, and proud of our heritage, and
 all we stand for.  And in our community everyone is upset about this
 girl (http://www.slrc-csa.org/site/letters/rebflagdress.php), who could
 not wear her confederate flag dress on prom day and her life is ruined
 because of that.  It seems bigotry is not a one-way street.  What advice
 can you give us about how to handle this terrible situation?

Signed,

Free Man of the South


Dear Pathetic Fool,

Why of course, by all means, whine and wheedle and whimper before the feet of the mighty principal who made the little girl cry because he stopped her from wearing her little dress!  Have you nothing better to occupy your time? Has the Tavern stopped selling ale and weed?  Are there not blocks of rusting engines yet unmounted upon gray bricks on your lawn?

For you, whose dreams of rising empire appear to turn on the defense of girl's frock - and one that is dreadful on so many levels, mind you - are still worthy, worthy of taking helm and shield, wielding iron and mace, crushing the dregs of the elves and men who unwisely resist the power that is coming.

You were born to serve the whims of the mighty, and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you will see that the only honor to be gained from the grim delusions of your own significance is in the pleasure of service to the Dark Lord in the East.

But even the searching eye of Sauron is as the fluttering wings of the moth compared to power of the Southern Poverty Law Center, to whom I am seriously considering forwarding your website.

Menacingly,

Saruman