THE ORIGINAL SUPER BOWL

After spending the evening reading about the topic, I'm realizing how little I know about gladiators. My own "knowedge" comes from old Star Trek episodes and movies, and I looking forward to doing further research today.

Oh well, as Will Durant said, "education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance". Here's the heart of the matter from a good gladiator briefing posted at Bates College:

"What gladiators did (indeed what they were trained to do) was kill and die well. These were tasks of extraordinary urgency for Romans. On the one hand, Romans (as most premodern societies and impoverished modern societies) faced daunting mortality rates. They did not have the opportunity to "grow into their deaths" as a matter of course (as moderns in materially successful societies do). A Roman at the age of 20 knew he would probably die before he was 30, and he wanted to meet death with honor and dignity. He could observe gladiators do it in the arena. Conversely, as members of a relentlessly militaristic culture, Romans valued the art of killing in a way we simply don't understand. Roman soldiers, moreover, enjoyed a much greater autonomy in their line of battle than Greeks did. In fact, the success of the Roman battle line often depended on the courage of individual soldiers in hand to hand combat. Thus the ability of an ordinary citizen to kill single handedly was a skill that the entire empire depended on to survive."

Of course creating a large subclass of desperate highly trained warriors might, in retrospect, be viewed as destabilizing. The Spartacus rebellion tends to get a few sentences in the books I've read (Will Durant gives it two pages out of 750), but it was a huge event. Spartacus fought his way out of gladiatorial school with 70-80 others, then started building up an army. They kept beat everyone sent to bring them in, including legions (this is kind of like the Michigan Militia beating the 101st Airborne in a straight-up fight). They ran amok on the peninsula for three years, and the force got up to 120,000 at one point before starting to turn away new recruits. It got to the point where the Romans couldn't find generals willing to go up against them.

Given the simplicity of the premise and complexity of D20, you might be wondering if someone has come up with a simpler game system for gladiatorial combat. Why yes, they have...

Is there an addictive online gladiator game? Yes indeed.

IS THIS NOVELTY ACT POSTMODERNISM, OR VICE-VERSA?

This lounge singer covers indie rock songs, gets great reviews, and plays to packed rooms around the world. It has gone beyond a joke - he's on his second album and the material seems to be getting better. Here is a sample of his work, and an interview (extra credit to the editor who came up with the headline "Interview with a Vamper").

THAT'S ODD

Apple's i-Music store has no Gang of Four songs...

LIKE WE'D BOTHER

"Fidel Castro accused President Bush of plotting with Miami exiles to kill him, and said he would die fighting if the United States ever invaded to oust him."

Actually Castro, who advocated using nuclear weapons against the U.S. during the missile crisis (see item #9 here), is the one world leader I'd support taking out. I know, healthcare education blah blah blah, but I don't think there should be a statute of limitaitons on someone who's made a sincere effort to have you incinerated. Since our covert units have not been up to the job, I suggest the tried-and-true tactic of dropping a safe on him from a stealth bomber.

Apparently Kruschev thought Castro was kind of a sissy with respect to internal affairs, and according to this Foreign Affairs piece, lectured him:

"The Soviet leader conducted what the authors evocatively describe as 'a seminar on ruthlessness.' A survivor of the hard school of Stalinism, Khrushchev cited Lenin's comment, 'If it becomes necessary to use terror to achieve important political goals, then it must be employed energetically and with celerity.' 'One must always keep in mind,' Khrushchev continued, 'that at the very first moment of any anti-governmental activity, one must crush it quickly, decisively, not stopping in the event it becomes necessary to open fire.' Not to be outdone, Castro boasted of his own mercilessness with domestic enemies of his regime. As a stilted translation reads, 'My revolution has also not shrunk from serious decisive measures if dictated by necessity. The proof of this was the shooting of military and political criminals, the arrests of many saboteurs and intelligence agents of foreign powers.' Such remarks might give pause to those who still view Castro as a romantic, misunderstood figure."

BUSH: WHAT ARE THE FACTS?

Now he wonders about the accuracy of the intelligence. Of course it's the BBC, which after the mass management hara-kiri looks about as reliable as Weekly World News...

[-BCBBCCBBBCCCBBBBBCCCCBBBBBBBBCCCCCCCB]There was an amazing BBC interview on today where the BBC grilled the new head of the BBC about the BBC's statement regarding the report, and what was impressive, the BBC statement did not specifically repudiate the report, although it did acquiesce to the "need for the BBC to do things differently." The BBC reporter, to his highland credit, wasn't buying the implication that the report was wrong, the BBC wasn't actually saying that, and what it looks like is that the BBC has agreed to bend over and take it like a national broadcast service. The report by Lord whatshisface appears in some analyses to be naiive. 56% of Brits think it's a whitewash- I'm inclined to agree, particularly since there are no WMDs! extra points if by some miracle you noticed the Fibbanacci series in the bbcbcbs bit. -PWP]

[It's funny. Esp since 9/11 I've read the BBC much more regularly than, say The New York Times because it seemed to have much more of a clue on international affairs (I got the impression Times articles on Malaysia were researched by reading the BBC) and seemed uncontaminated by the American journalistic disease of thinking up the story and then looking for a quote to support it. But my British friends were dismissive, saying I might as well read Downing Street press releases directly.

According to The Independent Greg Dyke, the second resignee, "showed that he had no intention of going quietly. He said that Lord Hutton was 'quite clearly wrong' in some parts of his report, which was read with 'disbelief' at the BBC. 'We were quite shocked it was so black and white,' he said. Questioning Lord Hutton's conclusion that the Ministry of Defence had properly cared for David Kelly, he said: 'If that's showing a duty of care I'm glad I don't work there.'

"He said there were 'remarkable contradictions' between evidence given by Mr Campbell to the Commons Foreign Affairs Committee and the Hutton inquiry.

"BBC staff were raising cash yesterday to pay for a national newspaper advert expressing their dismay at Mr Dyke's departure. Organisers were hoping to collect at least 4,000 signatures, including those of high-profile television figures."

-MoF ]

RECALL THE CLASSIC: WHEN YOU STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD...

Georgia School attempts to ban the word evolution.

["Don't need them carpetbaggers comin' in here stirrin' up trouble with their wild theories." Or something like that. You know, when I saw this I immediately wonder...does The Bible mandate the value of Pi? [One quick Google search later...] Why yes, it does. In Georgia Pi is going to have be the three (1 Kings 7:23), unless they are willing to accept this desperate but ingenious attempt at correction. -MoF]

LIFE IMITATES PWP'S HEADLINES AGAIN

A letter read on All Things Considered today proposed that the Beagle 2 probe had vanished because it was in love with Spirit.

Are the copyright attorneys all warmed up, Mr. Portfolio?

[If we perform a statistical analysis of the predictive efficacy of Today's Tomorrow's Headlines, can't we then predict the future? How might these quips, jests, and assorted bon mots describe crop futures?-PWP]

QUALITY OF LIFE IMPROVED 0.237 % BY NEW DELL LAPTOP

I would just like to point out that I have made a rare consumer purchase - a new Dell Laptop, smashing, but the display of characters is a bit rough, (my angles lines a bit too stepladdery) and now, like the demanding whiny little object all fairly expensive objects are (3 times the price of my sailboat, although that was an admittedly good deal), I have to go track down whether I need some kind of video card, or a plug-in, or whatever sort of hard or soft electro B.J. this darn fool brain contraption needs, and I am certain, nay certain, that Windows XP (as in Xtra-Pushy) will offer me some sort of solution that appears, simple, expensive, and misapplied.

Other than that, it appears fine laptop, loyal, clean, middle-toned, bright, efficient, like a mid-range Vegas escort. And as much as I enjoy our blog (did anybody steal "Isengard?"), I reflect that my old Royal Standard never, ever, forced me to think for days about it's complex levers and pulleys. It did it all, without complaint, for the better part of 30 years, and asked only to be dipped in gasoline occassionally, which is with what I shall threaten my delltop, should it stray.

[Congratulations! I believe you'll be wanting to turn on XP's ClearType(TM) for help with the "jaggies." -UttDC]

{AHHH. Yes, much better, kind of like the smooth delciousness of the chicken I'm cooking in the oven as I type the newly smooth words! -PWP}

Man, that was some good chicken!

Vexing Question Of The Day

Perhaps it does not seem that vexing, but a conversation today came down to this question:

If a whale explodes in Taiwan, how much less likely is it to be caught on amateur video than if it had exploded in Japan?

Finding an answer can only help our standing on the Blogs of Note list.

Unfortunately, a Google search on "video cameras per capita japan taiwan" does not produce concise, useful results. Research continues.

Unbelievably, I'm on the edge of deciding that this sort of information is not available for free, unless you want to do a lot of work.

CBS DENIES SUPER BOWL PETA AD

They're running ads for three impotence medications, but this spot didn't make the cut. It's a hall-of-famer as far as I'm concerned.

COOL

Native American murals discovered in Mission Dolores.

AN INTERESTING CAREER

Key events in the life of Thomas Raffles (a long bio is here):

7/6/1781 - Born on father's ship off Jamaica.
1795 - Joins East India Company, aged 14.
April 1805 - Promoted from clerk (70 pounds/year) to Assistant Secretary to the Government of Prince Wales Island (Penang, Malaysia - 1500 pounds/year). Teaches self Malay on the voyage.
May 1811 - Helps launch invasion of Java.
June 1812 - Conquers Java, is named lieutenant governor.
May 1815 - Discovers ruins of Borobudur, largest Buddhist temple in the world.
1816 - Britain cedes Java to Dutch at end of Napoleonic Wars, dismissed from post.
1817 - Knighted by Prince Regent.
1819 - Founds Singapore.
1824 - Returns to London, founds London Zoological Society.
7/6/1826 - Dies on his 45th birthday.

EXTENDED VERSION OF LOTR:ROTK IN THEATERS?
This article says the extended version is to appear in theaters in May or June.
[My word is my bond. I will be there (unless they leave out Gandalf's final confrontation with Sauromon). -MoF]

NOT A SLOW NEWS DAY

Putnam whistleblower says he was beaten with a brick.
Viacom refuses to run winning moveon.org ad during Super Bowl.
Scientists invent new form of matter.

BIN LADEN THANKS YOU FOR THE ADVANCE NOTICE

The Bush administration, deeply concerned about recent assassination attempts against Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf and a resurgence of Taliban forces in neighboring Afghanistan (news - web sites), is preparing a U.S. military offensive that would reach inside Pakistan with the goal of destroying Osama bin Laden (news - web sites)'s Al Qaeda network, military sources said.

[U.S. TO RAID 514 INDUS Street, Apartment #43, Karamus, Pakistan at 6:37 AM, March 2nd -PWP]

[When will they be back? "I can't tell you that. It's classified." -UttDC]

FORGOT TO GET FAMOUS

I figured our iron wit and dry minds would have put us at the top of the "Blogs of Note" list by now, but no. Our mistake, I surmise, is that we are too ordinary, too conventionally ironic, too caught up in the same things as everyone else. How can we get move away from the pack and get some attention here, while maintaining our coy anonymity? We need everyone's best thinking on this.

[And now here is the precise limitation, and ultimately exhaustion, of post-modernism; you can only distance yourself so far, perform so many aerobatics of language and twist and irony, before you confront again being, making, understanding. Fail this, never escape from a self-generating spiral of squeezed-out semiotics, and you risk becoming a literary Carrottop.

The incredibly dense saturation of media information, let alone its substance, tends to blot out the legitmacy of our individual experiences, which always fail in scale and resolution of style compared to the cultural products of the information industry. Irony and distance is no real defense (it can easily be branded and sold) , although it is the beginning of necessary reflection, and done well, a welcome, hilarious respite. The viable reaction is to pull from this and to put into it honest and intelligent particularities - if you paint, for obvious example, you ask yourself what have you never seen before- not in the sense of totally new in appearance but in the specifics of what you are actually seeing and discovering within the process of making. This holds identically for writing, even writing doo-dads for this doo-dad kind of internet town, to paraphrase Dorothy Parker.

What will stand out is the crystalline doo-dad, the news bit that informs all news, the joke that opens all jokes.

-PWP ]


[Alternatively, I could post pictures of my breasts. They're pretty nice, as breasts go, and I've got two of them, one on either side of my sternum. CSG]

[Well, Google reports 6,890,000 instances of the word "breasts" on the Internet, and 74,900 images. The Net is saturated with filth like this and this, so despite the kind offer I'm not sure it's a valid point of differentiation... -MoF]

[Interestingly enough, the words "tits" on Google occurs 18,700,000 times, nearly three times as often as "breasts." Draw your own conclusions, or your own breasts, if you have a pencil, and breasts. -PWP]

ONE WORD: RECALL!

"SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A California judge ruled on Monday that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger broke state law by borrowing more than $4.5 million to finance his run for governor in last October's recall election."

Meanwhile Attorney General Lockyer calls the groping issue "frat boy antics", calls Democratic women "cranky", admits he voted for Schwarzenegger (though he voted against the recall), and is still considered the Democratic front-runner for governor.

BLOGBACK

One interesting thing about blogging is that authors can shoot back immediately at reviewers, which Easterbrook does today:

"The reviewer complains that the economic mechanisms Western nations use to produce material abundance should have been stressed. Western economic theory was not stressed because--brace yourself--the book is about something else. How the Western system produces high standards of living would be a plenty interesting topic for, let's say, a book whose subject is how the Western system produces high standards of living. The Progress Paradox concerns another subject, namely, why people live better all the time, yet are no happier. " 'This book fails to be about a different topic'--The Washington Post." Hmm, maybe Random House can use that as a blurb."


[Blogback is an EXCELLENT NAME for a blog, BTW-PWP]
[Unfortunately taken: http://blogback.blogspot.com/ -MoF ]

FRENCH: LET'S ARM CHINA

Good for trade, they say.

In an incredible coincidence, the Chinese president is about to visit France.

SPECS IN THE NEWS

Not news, actually, SFGate just says it's cool. Which is true.

[See? See? Do I still have it or what? Specs is a bar with MORAL AUTHORITY -PWP]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS ARGUMENT?

This is the new line - it makes sense until you realize that the number of people they reach dwarfs the number reached by anyone who has responsibilities.

"I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian," [Dennis Miller] said. "I'm not Ed Murrow up on the roof in a London fog reporting on the blitz."

And when someone noted that Stewart doesn't adhere to the standards he proposes for mainstream media, he said, "Guess what? My colleagues are Carrot Top and Robin Williams."


Reflecting on it I think politics and humor share two essential elements: delight in exaggeration, and a sense of the inevitability of the absurd. If you're a Freudian you can toss sadism in there, too. Maybe Michael Moore has the right take: “A lot of the best comedians are very angry people. They find a way to use their sense of humor sort of like a release valve on a pressure cooker. I’ve always been that way.”

[It's not that new a line. I can't Google up a cite, but I distinctly recall Limbaugh, years ago, saying that he was first and foremost an entertainer. I wonder if he'd feel the need to repeat that proviso under the current administration. -UttDC]

[There is nothing wrong with this argument, except the slight whiff that somehow,as comedians, Limbaugh or Dennis Miller is absolved of the responsibility for being a fetid colostomy bag; they are only absolved of being journalistic fetid colostomy bags -PWP]

Helpless Before the Pro-Kerry Uma

Uma Thurman Backing Kerry. An inarguable sign.

Please Suggest Slightly Adapted Kill Bill Quotes as Applicable to Possible Use during the Presidential Election:

"I have no wish to kill you in front of your daughter"

"That's What You Get for Fucking Around With America! Now go home to Your Mother!"

AND THE ATTORNEY GENERAL IS COMMENTING ON FOREIGN POLICY BECAUSE...

Saddam's willingness to use such weapons was sufficient cause to overthrow his regime, Ashcroft told reporters, alluding to the use of chemical and biological arms against Iraqi Kurds in 1988 and during the 1980s Iran-Iraq war.

[And a big F.U. To Ashcroft: A particularly venal section of the Patriot Act (note the details of the case) Ruled Unconstituationanable. -PWP]

I INTERVIEW THE DELL CUSTOMER SERVICE ROBOT

Are you seeing anyone?

Andi: I am an automated agent, therefore I do not have a family, spouse, or significant other. How may I help you today?

NEW AMERICAN ANALOG SET ALBUM IS SOULFUL, MELANCHOLIC, REPETITIVE

And very good, both to my ear and those of the reviewers.

The first album hit in 1996, so American Analog Set is closing in on nostalgia act territory now. They used to be derided for breaking on NPR and having a baby boomer following. "Don't Wake Me" became official boomer comfort music when NPR included it in its September 11th programming. But but nothing cures the arrogance of youth like getting old. To all those 20-somethings who mocked us back then, welcome.

What with changing their label all the time and not maintaining a website, it's hard to find out much about them. When they do speak, the results are unenlightening. I finally found a coherent explanation of what they do musically: "The principle behind music like American Analog Set is this: begin with one thing, change it just a little bit four measures later, change something else four measures later, and in several minutes you’ve got an entirely different song going on."

I always feel a twinge of guilt listening to AmAnSet because melancholia is their baseline mood, which can't be healthy, and it's not like they have a lot of range away from that. Sure, they can do happy melancholia, bemused melancholia, and disappointed melancholia, but even sad melancholia seems a little beyond them (typing "American Analog Set" and "melancholy" into Google yields 548 hits). And even though melancholia is their oxygen (well, some claim love is their oxygen), their intentions and effects are completely away from the blues or what I think of as the melancholic musical tradition (the post-Elizabethans and all that).

But their sensibility is very precise, and I assume it has something to do with this "slacker" thing we heard so much about in the early 90s. It's quite dead now, as the number of busted links on this page attests. Even the godfather has moved on, turning to the more conventional American cultural talismans, rock and death. But that slacker sensibility is still in American Analog Set's music, lingering long after the fact, suggesting that it's not just ok to chill, it's the only thing that really matters.

Fourteen bucks at Amazon, or eight from iMusic if you're into that sort of thing.

A COMPUTER YOU CAN LOVE

Last night I upgraded my 2001 iMac to OS X Panther, which is Unix-based and has gotten good reviews. This figured to be an amusing exercise since this computer has the exact minimum requirements (G3 processor, 128 MB of RAM) to run the OS. I figured the most likely outcome was the computer refusing to boot and being hurled down the garbage chute with a satisfying crash.

But it actually installed with a minimum of fuss (well, my firmware needed updating and the manual referred me here to update it, but that's par for the course). Now that it's installed it works great. The Safari browser is faster than IE was on the old OS, and iTunes works better. Data was converted automatically. All my old apps work in the System 9 emulator, including WriteNow! which was last updated in the early 90's. System updates are user-initiated and easy to do. The machine has run over 24 hours without crashing, which may be a Macintosh record.

Kind of interesting that the Apple Marketing Department decided the best way to sell their OS was to put it in a big black box, call it "Panther" and label it with a giant X. Which demographic group were they aiming for, I wonder...

AMAZING BUT TRUE! COINCIDENCES FROM WRITING THE HEADLINE BLOG -

1. I write about elephants rampaging: elephants RAMPAGE the SAME DAY!
2. A crack about Seattle Parking - next day, I get TWO tickets!
3. A series of robot jokes, suddenly we get REAL ROBOT scientists!
4. The joke: Sadaam: "They'll Never Look in Here," which suggests the image of a tiny little hiding place, iis followed a couple days later by his capture in A TINY LITTLE HOLE!
5. I relentless mock the moon plan, and it ISN'T MENTIONED in the State of the Union Address!
6. "Weapons of Ass Instruction" Joke Appears TWO WEEKS LATER on CBS's Craig Kilborn Show!

DRUNKEN ELEPHANT PROBLEM NOT UNDER CONTROL

...so says the BBC.

MY TAKE ON LAST NIGHT'S DEMOCRAT DEBATE

Moderators/Questioners (DOWN) This was one of the worst groups I've ever seen. Brit Hume was a questioner/co-moderator, but I think they should have had a journalist in this position instead of a RNC PR mouthpiece with a stack full of Drudge Report printouts. But at least he could form a sentence in English, which is better than I can say for the New Hampshire "local talent".

[Today's Howler goes after Peter Jennings's "deserter" questions for Clark. -MoF]

Edwards (DOWN) Except for his shaming Brit Hume for baiting him on the gay marriage (non) issue for the third time in the evening, I found him particularly spineless and car-salesmanlike. I got the impression that he can think and talk fast, spouting rhetoric without actually taking a stand on an issue.

Dean (UP) I can't exactly say why, but he did a lot to inspire my confidence this time around. He did not appear to dodge questions or weasel-word his way out of taking stands on devisive issues, nor do I think he provided his opponents (or the Republicans) with any ammunition.

Clark (DOWN) I really want to like this guy, but he's looked like an amateur, albeit a gifted one. His evasion of questions read too loudly, and he did not distinguish himself other than to refer (too many times) to his military background. I may be swung the other way, but right now he's looking like veep timber.

Lieberman (UP) I'm beginning to really regret the fact that he doesn't have a chance. His biggest liability in the primaries is his support for the Iraq war, but I can't fault him for sticking to his (and what used to be my) position.

Kerry (EVEN) Not a great debate performance. Gave very wordy, unparsable evasions. Still, came off well in the second half.

[A good evaluation-

Kerry's understandably playing the game conservatively here (keep in mind NH primary voters include independents) but while I was disappointed with his attacks on Dean I've been impressed by his, for lack of a better term, professional growth: he seems to be matching his record with a much more open and more passionate campaign (rather than debate) style that bodes well nationally.

Dean alternately impresses and worries me- he has that rare and necessary fire to defeat the Unclean One, and gaffes don't push you out - (shit, look at the Unclean One) how you handle them, or allow them to be handled, can. This media BS about the "rant" is titanically vapid and unfair, the naked values of a TV producer, but I am still looking for a consistent, mature, excellent response; politically, I actually think Kerry has a better record on progressive values.

In Lieberman's case his biggest weakness for me is on constutional rights generally, and the Patriot Act in particular; as far as I know this is his strongest questioning of it; it follows his foreign policy ideas, but he has a record of pressuring and humoring civil liberties; which is puts me in a choice between Dean and Kerry, and thinking of the possibly comparable difference between Bush and McCain in "electability." McCain looked great, but some missteps, underestimating Bush's despicable and hideously huge campaign, and lack of strong old-fashioned political networking sounds familiar. PWP]

SOLDIERS QUITTING NOW THAT FIGHTING APPEARS TO BE INVOLVED

"...an internal Guard survey suggests that the demanding deployments could prompt a significant number of its soldiers to quit the military."

WE HAVE WON IN IRAQ

"The former regime elements we've been combating have been brought to their knees," Maj. Gen. Raymond Odierno, commander of the Army's 4th Infantry Division, told reporters at the Pentagon.

Except for those guys who shelled our camp today, killing two U.S. soldiers. Perhaps they fired from a kneeling position?


[They are not attacking; they are surrendering in another direction. -UttDC]

YOUR GOVERNMENT, IN CASE OF CATASTROPHIC ATTACK

...will feature Trent Lott.

NONE DARE CALL IT CONSPIRACY

Except for me and Mayor Bloomberg.

GET TO KNOW THIS MAN

He worked for Clinton.

He worked on Gore's 2000 campaign "where his specialty was blunting queries from investigative reporters."

He quit the Kerry campaign.

Now he works for Clark, and Morris credits him with taking down Dean.

"Chris understands the essential dynamic of politics, which is punch or be punched," said Jim Jordan, Mr. Kerry's former campaign manager.

Well, this guy says the NYT was out of line putting this on page one. Who knows, but I'm adding the Daily Howler to the links at right.


[How is one to react to this information? I know just the thing: notwithstanding the URL behind the Kerry link above, I maintain that Buckaroo Bonzai is not, in fact, a bad movie. -UttDC]

SUPREME COURT: EPA MAY OVERRULE BOUGHT-AND-PAID-FOR ALASKAN REGULATORS

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Wednesday that the federal government can overrule state decisions on environmental rules in a dispute over additional power capacity at an Alaskan zinc mine operated by Canada's Teck-Cominco Ltd.

"As EPA found, the Alaska department's own records showed there was scant, if any, evidentiary basis for choosing the less stringent emission-reduction technology," Ginsburg said in reading the decision from the bench.

DICK MORRIS ON DEAN

"Howard Dean committed the unpardonable sin of failing to kowtow to the leaders of his party... The months of daily pounding, animated by diligent negative research by minions of Terry McAuliffe and the Clintons and disseminated into the national political bloodstream by the likes of Chris Lehane, proved effective. Dean, subjected to a relentless negative campaign reminiscent of what the Republicans did to H. Ross Perot in 1992, now fades into the dustbin of history."

[Dick Morris is a Spokesanalyst for Beelzebub Consultants-PWP]

WHILE DOING YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY

Play the State of the Union drinking game.

["Hic!" -LoM]

GIVE ME CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM

...but not yet!

JUST WONDERING...

Is Howard Dean the "officially" the Democratic candiate for President yet? Let me know when that happens, because I wanna know when I can start watching the news again without being bored stiff by all the "news" about primaries and caucuses and whatnot.

GO EAGLES!

-LoM

[Sorry dude, he totally lost his chance because he, like yelled and stuff. -MoF ]

A SERIOUS ACADEMIC SURVEY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS FANS

Geek it up for Human Knowledge!

SHARON: PLEASE HAVE THE AMBASSADOR CONTINUE VANDALIZING NATIONAL MUSEUMS

The Israeli Ambassador to Sweden fails his art criticism course.

And speaking of free art publicity, how can I get the Israeli Ambassador to totally trash my next exhibit? Oh Yes! Continue on my bits of work based on the death of Rachel Corrie.

[How can we get him into the Seattle airport? -LoM]

ANYBODY WANNA BUY A RECORD LABEL?

For a Record Label Founded by the Beastie Boys, the End Is Less Than Grand

[as of 1/14 BeastieBoys.com has a new look, promises new AV content... -MoF]

THE VIGGO JUGGERNAUT

I am somewhat chagrined to report the ambitious artistic quality of the work of Perceval Press, Viggo's own publishing house. I forgot he'd been dating Julian Schnabel's daughter.

SLOWING THE DEAN MACHINE?

If Kerry wins Iowa and Clark wins New Hampshire, where does that leave the good doctor?


[Winning Washington State. Dare we say brokered convention>?-PWP]

THIS IS USEFUL

UrbanDictionary.com

IT'S KABLOONA HOUR

So what the hell does 'kabloona' mean? The FT uses it in two senses - neither readily comprehensible - on their "In the Next World You're On Your Own". On side one there's a bar where they say "it's kabloona hour." And the epigram on the back cover for side two is "we lost our kabloona."

Now I know that the Canadian Inuit called white people Kabloona, as in the acclaimed 1941 book of that name by the Frenchman Gontran de Montaigne Poncins. (Lest you think he was avoiding the war, I remember reading that he went back and became a hero; then hung out in the Chinese city of Cholon in Vietnam, which was the subject of another book, before retiring in New England, if I remember right).

But in a more recent book about a woman's kayak journey, the Inuit translation is given as "stranger."

Someone else thinks it means "sled dog."

Suspiciously, it does not appear in this Inuit dictionary, or this one.

It's such a cool word, I think it's time to try and figure out where the hell it came from and what it means...

[I checked the Inupiaq and the Yupik dictionary on the alaskool site, nada - but "kafiqsiebitchuq" means "understand not"-PWP]

"GOOD NEWS BOY..."

"...Klong wasted...the pussycat."
(*Woof*)

NOT A JOKE...

...but actual, inspirational statuettes.

[Geez - what's he doing to that little golfer girl? - MoF]

THERE WAS THIS SITE JUST ABOUT ANECDOTES...

Anecdotes Anecdotes Anecdotes

Type in a famous person...find a set of anecdotes!

[Two observations: 1) It's pretty good - there's three Charlemagne anecdotes, and you don't hear those every day. 2) Sponsored by J-Date, which promises "nice Jewish girls by the tens of thousands"... - MoF ]

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

The admnistration is also not well-liked by southern nationalists. The League of the South would like you to know they are not gap-toothed racists, no matter what The New York Times says:

"During our 10 years of existence, hard experience has taught us that it is our critics (the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Anti-Defamation League, the NAACP and the elite media, including Mr. Marshall himself) who are the real haters. But they and their allies are the Establishment's darlings and are thus immune from close scrutiny."

SERIOUSLY GOOD MOVIE

Infernal Affairs, the 2002 HK Film Awards Best Picture, and #2 box office behind Shaolin Soccer. It's mobster stuff. Look, I hate this kind of movie, and I liked it. It starts off with a hackneyed premise, then slam dunks it. See it. And if you don't like the ending, go to mainland China - they got the one you probably wanted.

ACTOR, POET, EDITOR OF RELIGIOUS TRACTS

This is the smirk (and haircut) of a man who has never held an actual job.

NICE GOOGLE HACK

Type in "miserable failure" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky!"

FUCK HIM. JUST FUCK HIM.

Amazon lists 14 books by Viggo Mortensen. Besides the obvious, (he wrote the introduction to a LOTR companion book), he's also published a few books of photography and poetry, one with a CD so you can hear him read it and some literary and art criticism. At least the ones in Danish, Teologi og kritik : aspekter på halvfjerdsernes danske teologi and Teologi og naturvidenskab : hinsides restriktion og ekspansion are out of print. But if he's the same Viggo Mortensen who wrote [actually, edited - MoF] Life and Death: Moral Implications of Biotechnology and Free Will and Determinism, I swear I'm going to slit my wrist and use the blood to write him a poison pen letter.

[If you can take a moment away from this shameless, shameless flirting with Viggo, I am thinking of cribbing Aragorn's speech before the Gates of Mordor for my ACLU speech. Open to suggestions along the lines of "One day the liberty of Americans may lie split upon the ground - but that will not be this day!" -PWP]

[It's a good movie; you might want to see it some day. -CSG]

[One reviewer says: "Viggo. Wow. Not only is he a wonderful actor, who brings his character to life. He's a painter and a poet with such amazing insight and passion. This man has the ability to pull you into his world when he writes. Not only is this a book of some of Viggo's work, it also comes with a CD with Viggo reading some of his work and it just adds to the wonder of this man. I highly suggest this book to those who have an open mind and who wish to experience something fresh and new." -MoF]

AN AWKWARD START FOR GAVIN NEWSOM

These guys say the city made them work on his campaign...

IT'S OFFICIAL: HUMANS ARE SURPLUS BIO-CONSUMERS

Nature , that rag, reports a successful test of an analytical robotic scientist - already they are promised to "free scientists to make creative leaps," which also means: 99% of working scientists are unnecessary.

I don't even remember where I read this, but years ago I saw the prediction that it was the professions, rather than labor, that would be replaced by robotics. It's not hard to imagine that when a person is only producing an idea-product which is the result of a fairly straightforward set of logical operations that are easy to analogize, why on earth wouldn't they be replaced? And my first thought is that companies will see the distinct advantage of scientists without ethical qualms of any kind.

And so, I outline future human labor for the next 100 years:

Owning Capital
Chef
Silver Polishing
Lap Dancing
Microsurgeon
Busboy
Bartending
Prostitution

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

This is being written 35 damn years after the Tet offensive. WTF?!

"The continued fighting in Iraq is what military commanders call an asymmetric battlefield. There are no front lines. U.S. troops can and have been attacked from all directions. It’s a reality quite different from what America’s soldiers have traditionally been trained to expect, and it’s forcing the Army to revise its training from the bottom up."

[It continues: "Battlefield reports indicate that the demonstated vulnerability of rotary-winged aircraft has made the use of traditional ground tactics preferrable in terms of mobility and effective; accordingly a shift towards equestrian mobililty unit brigades (EMUBS, known in former times as "The Calvary" ) will begin immediately." -PWP

LET THE FREE MARKET REBUILD IRAQ!

Sometimes The Onion is way too close for comfort.

EXPERTS AGREE: BUSH SUCKS

This is not Al Franken and Molly Ivins. This is the damn War College and Carnegie Endowment.

DIABOLICAL!

In the propaganda coup of the year, ACLU defends Rush Limbaugh's right to privacy.

[I'm going to be speaking for the ACLU on Friday and I know I'm going to get this question: my answer will be of this order:
" Yes. Yes We are. We are defending this, loosely speaking, man, this large, foul moon-creature, this junk-tub, this shriveled and yet obese mung-spot of a quasi-person, this leaking, fetid, colostomy bag of missplit DNA , we are, yes we are, defending the rights of this unspeakable pill-sucking aardvark, this spitting meglomanical pop-fascist methane balloon, this implausible heartless electro-Nazi, this vomitous, mold-encrusted cheese wad, this diseased and disingenious crapmop, yes, the self-same Rush Limbaugh, the prevaricating pop Neo-Nixo-Whore, he who lies like a cheap rug made of anti-nylon and smells like rotten anemone-snot, this verisimiliar Smack-Hound, because, I tell you with all good will, the privacy rights of this preening, bellowing, leering, duplicitous Greed-O-Dandy are, to the extent they are recognizably human, also yours. " -PWP]

[That was so beautiful I have tears in my eyes. Really, you've outdone yourself this time. I salute you. May I quote you? -CSG]

[Thank you, and Quote WIDELY-PWP]

"DIDN'T WE ALREADY DO A TAX CUT FOR THE RICH?"

...is just one of the shocking quotes from Drinky McDumbass (from meeting transcripts) that was revealed on last nights 60 Minutes interview with Suskind and O'Neill that's detailed in Suskind's new book (ranked #1 on Amazon this morning).

I can't detail all of what I saw in the piece, but the gist of it is this: you know the paranoid fantasies we have about the Bush administration? The reality is worse.

Finally, we have a smoking gun.

YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT GETTING THE STRAIGHT SCOOP ON THIS

HE IS A NOBODY NOW. DESTROY HIM.

A senior administration official said O'Neill's "suggestion that the administration was planning an invasion of Iraq days after taking office is laughable. Nobody listened to him when he was in office. Why should anybody now?"

GONE IN 30 SECONDS

I can't remember if somebody posted the link to MoveOn.org's Bush in 30 Seconds contest.

If you have not already, you must view these!

THE MOST STRESSFUL CITY IN AMERICA

Yes, that's right, Tacoma.

[My friend Julie, just elected to the Tacoma City Council , I 'm sure is open to suggestions: loudspeakers playing New Age Music, subsidized massages, and most importantly, say it with me: AROMATHERAPY-PWP]

A MINIVAN

I agree honey, a minivan makes a lot of sense. Maybe a red one, and maybe spring for the sport wheels, the big engine...yeah, that's the ticket...

STUDY FINDS: TELLING TEENS TO AVOID SEX DOESN'T WORK

"The comprehensive evaluation...found the rate of sexually active students leapt from 5.8% to 12.4% after the seminars."

[But I thought teens loved to be told what to do! -LoM]

[Back in the early 90's I got a booklet from a tobacco company on how to keep your kids from smoking. Quoting from memory, but it said something like: "Tell them smoking is an adult decision they're not ready to make yet...tell them to wait until they have developed the maturity and judgment to decide if smoking is right for them...etc. etc." -MoF]

NERVOUS NELLIES NEGATIVE ON NANO

I inhale tiny particles every day and my brain is mostly unaffected!

THE IRON FIST OF PRECINCT 36-1806

Washington State Caucuses are February 7th, I believe. I have less than a month to cast my lot in, as does Eric and Lorraine, and Washington's vote is said to be fairly critical. It's coming down to Dean, Clark, and Kerry. Washington will go super-Dean, unless Giant Bugs invade. Strategies?

[I'd rather vote for something I want and not get it than vote for something I don't want, and get it." - Eugene Debs

More seriously, what do they want you to do? These things are all fixed, "forced" in card trick lingo. In a three-man race there's always the front-runner (Dean), the challenger (Clark), and the spoiler (Kerry).

Now, who is the spoiler going to take votes out of? Dean, I suppose. So if you like Clark, you should vote for Kerry.

But if you like Dean, you have to be worried about his prospects in the general election. His only chance is with Clark as the VP candidate, so if you like Dean, you should vote for Clark.

If you like Kerry you have to vote for Lieberman, but I forget why.

Hope that clears everything up. -MoF]

[ I have a better idea, having gone through this process in 1988: try to get selected as a delegate for the next level as an "undecided". I did that in 1988, where I was the only one at the caucus who (initially) voted for Paul Simon. -LoM]

- I seem to remember Debs languishing in prison, oh well. The Dean "gaff" thing is overated- it only added to Bush's "charm," by which I mean nauseating false folksiness. I had cast a lot in orginally with Kerry but he seems incapable of conducting his campaign, and I have to hand it to Dean for figuring out a way to involve many thousands of younger, alienated progressives. If they are not brought "in," the future is triply grim. Clark is far too conservative for any of my passionate support, but I'm waiting to see if he can translate basic decency into effective campaigning. At the moment, I'm going undecided, but I have a slight in at D state headquarters so I want to play the field a little and see if there are any opportunities to participate at a higher level. -PWP

VOTE EARLY AND IOWAN

From today's NY Times: "Last week, I called the Polk County Election Office in Des Moines and was told that you still don't need to produce any identification to fill out a voter registration card; according to the Democratic Party of Iowa, you can register at the caucus sites without any proof of residency. That means Deaniacs, Liebermaniacs, Edwardians, Kerryactics and Gepharatchiks from outside Iowa need only follow a few simple steps if they want to participate in the Iowa caucuses: don't bring identification, don't put your real name on the voter registration form you'll be asked to fill out and don't write about your exploits on your blogs. Alas, this means you won't get caught, and that you won't be a footnote in a presidential election (a grand and glorious thing), but you won't be looking at six years in prison either — six years in prison in Iowa, let's not forget."

IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES SYRIA TURNS TO ITS GOOD FRIENDS...

...the Turks?!

MEANWHILE, IN AFGHANISTAN IN 1826

"They were not, of course, consciously embarking on an expedition; they were running for their lives. Gardiner himself [a soldier of fortune in the service of various Sikh and Afghan chiefs, now between assignments -MoF] was wounded in the neck and the leg. Washed in salt water and dressed with powdered charcoal and clay, it was not surprising that these wounds never really healed. His outfit consisted of a high black Uzbek hat, black sheepskin coat, hair rope girdle, and Turki boots. They had guns and horses but for food depended on what they could steal. Until the first well-provisioned caravan passed within their grasp, they lived off 'snow mushrooms' and a half-rotten, partially cooked 'hyena-like animal'. "

LLOYD'S NEW FAVORITE FILM CRITIC

Here is Doug Bensen's review of Mona Lisa Smile (in its entirety) posted on bobanddavid.com:

"This (broken-down) Julia Roberts vehicle takes place at an all-girl school, yet none of the students experiment with lesbianism. I call bullshit!"

[Speaking of which, have you seen Mr. Cranky's review of LOTR: The Return of the King? No? That's because he did not review it -- the highest praise he can give any film! -LoM]

[This guy's great. The reviews are not only cruel, but often interesting as well (e.g., Gigli). Mr. Cranky's fun but usually just abusive (with a few exceptions like the immortal Avengers review). -MoF ]

THE TWIT WIT' THE BIG EARS, HE DONE IT

Diana crash investigation underway, tabloids reporting she feared Prince Charles would have her killed in a car accident, and her butler has a letter proving it.

Just one thing - if you knew Prince Charles was tampering with your car and trying to kill you, wouldn't you consider wearing a seat belt? "The only person inside the car who wore a seatbelt was the bodyguard, who survived..."

WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA

Seahawks ruminate on what could have been. Easterbrook rubs it in:

Blue Men Group note: Matt Hasselbeck threw for 305 yards despite four of his passes being right on the receiver's hands and dropped as if they were invitations to a private steam bath with the guy from My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé. Two drops by Koren Robinson were killers; one would have been a touchdown, another a long gainer on a series on which the 'Hawks instead went three-and-out in the fourth quarter. Had the four passes simply been caught, Hasselbeck might have had one of the postseason's all-time best passing days, and a Seattle victory would have been likely.

MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH

The biggest snowstorm to hit the Northwest since 1996. Seattle PI
It was about to snow all the way from Redding to Seattle!

THEN THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON SAID...

THE WELCOME MAT

My family soldiers along as I continue my Keay binge (see below). This excerpt should give a sense of how the early British explorers were received:

"As a result of Moorcroft's try for Yarkand the Chinese, so Vigne was told, had executed a massive wall painting of a European so that every Yarkandi would instantly recognize and apprehend any subsequent visitor. Burnes heard similar stories on his way to Bukhara [the legendary Uzbek market on the Silk Road], only his version had it that anyone who recognized such a persona non grata was entitled to appropriate him and his possessions, forwarding to the authorities as evidence just the man's head..."

A COLD PLACE, FAR AWAY

A friend recently returned Keay's Explorers of the Western Himalayas and my dreams of weekend productivity evaporated as I re-read its account of early expeditions into central Asia, from the first solo travellers (usually European eccentrics), to the big expeditions (which usually ended badly), to the heroic British defense of the fort at Chitral.

This region is the cockroach of world history - it reappears just when you thought you'd finally gotten rid of it. What other Godforsaken wilderness has seen Alexander the Great march through it (Baz Luhrmann's working on a movie), several British armies destroyed in it (this recent book details one), and a near-nuclear war fought over it?

Here's a map showing the zones of control. The British once viewed Gilgit as the key to the region and kept an agency house and garrison there.

And the mountains. K-2, the toughest mountain the world, is there and had killed 52 climbers at last count. Nanga Parbat which looms over everything is less well-known but equally bloody-minded, killing Reinhold Messner's brother and claiming most of his toes. And questions still linger about what really happened up there. And Haramosh, which has killed a few people too (see "Grim Days on Haramosh" in Heroic Climbs).

GOVERNATOR TO TERMINATE HEALTHCARE FOR THE POOR, EDUCATION

"Topping the list will likely be public health and welfare programs -- especially Medi-Cal, the state's health insurance for the poor and disabled that costs more than $10 billion a year.

"Education is also expected to share the burden, despite Schwarzenegger's campaign promise to protect school funding."

THE OTHER REALITY

I'm probably not the first person to mention it, but these Hong Kong films are great. This website is an excellent guide.